


Shall I dare again?

by romanticmum



Series: Just across the hall [2]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Heavy Petting, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:02:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27249253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticmum/pseuds/romanticmum
Summary: Esther Denham and John Babington are neighbours and, after building a friendship, have just started dating.  Follow their experiences navigating past hurt, expressing emotions and developing physical intimacy with each other.
Relationships: Lord Babington/Esther Denham
Series: Just across the hall [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989562
Comments: 34
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to 'Just across the hall' where Esther Denham moves into the flat across the hall from John Babington.  
> This story follows their developing relationship and will include sexually explicit detail and is NSFW.

John was a happy man. Last month, Esther accepted his offer to start dating and they moved on from being ‘just good friends’ to ‘girlfriend and boyfriend’. It was a long time since he felt like this about a woman – thinking of her almost constantly, wondering what she was doing and looking forward to seeing her.

Most evenings after work were spent at each other’s flats, either eating together, one, or both of them cooking; watching TV whilst holding hands on the sofa; or out running in the park, laughing and joking.

They talked about everything under the sun and he was enjoying learning about Esther, such as her likes and dislikes for food, drink, TV and music. Every day brought something new to their relationship.

Kissing Esther was his favourite pastime. Sometimes, late in the evening, when the programme or movie they were watching was finished, he would look across to her and smile. She always smiled back, the smile that seemed to light up the room for him. He would cup her face with his hand and lean in to gently kiss her lips. Esther always responded positively and then John would deepen the kiss – taste her with his tongue or suck on her lip. On a few occasions, Esther’s tongue ventured into his mouth, allowing him to explore her taste further.

When they were out, she held his hand if he took it, but rarely initiated the contact. Physical touching was limited to hand holding and an arm around her shoulder. 

He regularly met up with his friends Sidney and Crowe for drinks and these times were opportunities to share the thrill and excitement of a new relationship but also to share any concerns he harboured.

“I’m enjoying spending time with Esther – it’s so easy to talk with her. But I feel she is guarded about admitting some of her feelings and she reacts to my physical advances rather than initiating them. I’m wondering whether I’m going too fast for her, pushing too quickly? We’ve been going out a month and with other girls I’ve dated, I’ve already slept with them by now.”

Sidney put forward his view, “Didn’t you say she had a failed relationship in the past? Perhaps she is wary and wishes to go slow, wants to take her time to make sure she feels ok about what you’re doing?”

“Yes, maybe you’re right. I wonder whether I should discuss with her about her reticence to initiate physical contact? Let her know she can talk to me if she thinks we’re going too fast.”

Esther already knew she got along with John before she started dating him. She liked him very much – his personality - so generous, caring and thoughtful; he was good-looking and caused little flips in her belly when he gazed at her in a certain way; and he made her laugh with his silly jokes and droll remarks when they were watching TV.

A bad experience with her previous boyfriend meant she held back from John for a while. She fell hard and fast for Edward and was blind to his faults and manipulations. When she realised he was cheating on her for most of their relationship, she was heartbroken and humiliated, vowing to never be taken in like that again.

Getting to know John as a friend first, and knowing he cared for her as a friend, too, helped her begin to trust him and feel comfortable about dating him.

Sharing their evenings together alleviated the loneliness she felt at times. He listened to her and was supportive in times of low self-esteem or disappointment at work.

However, these feelings of liking John, as more than just a friend, also scared her. After being hurt so much last time, she was incredibly wary of deepening the relationship and losing herself in it, in case she was hurt again. Not that she thought that John would do the things that her ex originally did, like cheat on her with other women. But she was afraid if his feelings for her fizzled out and she would be left alone and hurt again.

She knew John was aware of her pulling back. When he sat next to her on the sofa or met her in the hallway, she saw his hopeful glances, wanting a quick kiss or hug. 

Some evenings, her stomach twisted to see the disappointment on his face when she broke off a kiss and left to go back to her flat. Esther pushed herself to give him a quick kiss on the cheek the last few times she saw him but, at the moment, she did not have the courage to do more.

At a girls’ night out with her friends, Charlotte and Georgiana, she hesitantly declared her unwillingness to move quickly with the physical side of the relationship.

“I like John very much, but the feelings he conjures up in me make me scared of how hurt I could be if the relationship failed. If I don’t put myself out there too much, it feels like I’m protecting myself in case things don’t work out.”

“But are there things you want to do with John that you’re not letting yourself go ahead and do?” asked Georgiana.

Esther pondered this for a moment, “Yes, I very rarely kiss or hug John first, although I enjoy doing those things with him. I’ve noticed John kissing me less this last week or so, and we just held hands on the sofa last night rather than him putting his arm round my shoulder.”

Charlotte responded, “It sounds like he’s picking up on your wariness and maybe pulling back a bit because he thinks you don’t want to do those things.”

Esther nodded - he must have noticed her reticence to put herself forward – but she did enjoy the physical contact with him. 

“What can I do? I want to be with John and get past these brakes I’ve put on myself.”

“Speak to John about how you feel. Once he understands your feelings, you can come up with ways that the two of you can be together and feel comfortable whilst exploring that intimacy,” suggested Charlotte.

Bolstered by the talk with her friends, Esther decided to talk to John that weekend after their run in the park together.

The run was enjoyable, but Esther noted that John seemed to be a bit distant and not fully joining in their conversation. Perhaps her wariness was affecting how he acted around her? She was nervous about talking to him but decided she needed to get this issue out in the open.

When they were back at the flat, before they parted to have showers, Esther said she wanted to talk to him, and he should knock on her door when he was dressed. John was anxious, noting Esther’s serious face, but thought it was an opportunity for him to address his concerns about their relationship.

Esther braided her hair loosely and, after squeezing it in a towel, left it to dry naturally. She dressed and put the kettle on, ready for when John arrived.

He knocked on her door just as it boiled.

“Come sit at the table, John, I’m just making tea,” said Esther.

John sat down, a guarded look on his face. There was a silent tension in the air whilst Esther poured the drinks and placed the mugs down. They sat opposite each other, both wondering what would be said.

Esther began, “I wanted to talk about how our relationship has been going.” 

Their eyes met and she took a deep breath to continue, “Firstly, I want you to know that I have really enjoyed your company these last few months, and especially this last month as we’ve got to know each other better.”

She managed a small smile at John, then, and he smiled back but his eyes were still guarded.

“I feel so at ease talking to you day to day, and you make me laugh – I think I’d forgotten how that felt!”

Esther carried on with a shy voice, “I have also enjoyed the kissing and touching that we’ve been doing.”

She paused to take a shaky breath, summoning her courage.

“I know that I don’t initiate the kissing or touching between us and I think you’re aware of that.”

John interrupted, “It’s ok, Esther…”

“Wait, John, I’ve not finished.” She glared at him – she needed to say everything she prepared before she lost her nerve.

“You know that I was hurt badly in a past relationship. I was heartbroken and humiliated, and it has made me very wary of being with another man. You’re the first man I’ve dated since my ex but, because we were friends first, I have started to trust you. That’s why I wanted to develop this relationship with you.”

John nodded in acknowledgment. Esther’s voice started to tremble with emotion.

“But I am still wary and scared. Even though I want to be more intimate with you, this wariness is holding me back and I need you to understand and help me to move forward.”

A tear rolled down her cheek – baring her innermost feelings with John was tough. She kept eye contact with John as much as she could through her speech, and he listened intently, gazing at her with eyes that softened as she revealed her emotions.

John reached out his hand and gently placed it over Esther’s, to let her know he understood. He wondered whether the physical advances were too much for Esther, but, knowing that she enjoyed the kissing and touching, dispelled some of those concerns. He thought about what they could do to make her more comfortable.

“Esther, I’m glad you’ve been able to share these feelings with me today. I confess, I worried that I was pushing too fast with the physical side of our relationship and was going to speak to you anyway."

He stroked her hand while he spoke which soothed her nervousness a little.

"I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, anything at all that is worrying you. I will not judge – I just want to understand how you feel.”

John gave her a warm smile, and Esther returned it, regaining her composure.

John revealed his suggestion, “What if we talked a little about the interactions we like or want to do with each other? Then we’ll know what’s ok to do together. As we get more comfortable, we could try other things. What do you think?”

Esther considered this course of action. “What if I can’t keep up with what you want to do?”

“If you don’t want to do anything, just say so. I want us to both be happy in this relationship. It doesn’t matter how small the steps are, or how long they take,” responded John.

Esther nodded and gazed at John. He was so patient with her – she really wanted to be with him and hoped that with his support, they could both enjoy being more physically intimate with each other.

There was some embarrassment at first, as they started the discussion, but soon each understood better what the other was willing to do. They also discussed a few activities they wanted to try in the future.

John asked Esther how she felt about initiating some of the contact between them. He was concerned that she may ‘put up’ with doing something because he started it, but he wanted her to say if she was uncomfortable trying out anything.

Esther promised to be more vocal about her likes and dislikes, but, confessed she may not have the courage to initiate some of their contact at first.

That first evening, Esther asked John to put his arm around her shoulder as they watched the TV. He asked her for a kiss when he left her flat later that night. 

After this discussion, they both felt more positive about their relationship. Esther was relieved that John seemed to understand why she was hesitant and was willing to allow her to move on at her own speed. 

John was pleased that Esther shared her feelings – he knew that she wanted to be with him, and he was ready to work with her to move forward.

A few days later, John asked if he could kiss Esther around her neck and collarbone. Esther was anxious as she remembered Ed doing that and knew she was sensitive in that area. After a minute contemplating John’s request, she came clean.

“John, that choice makes me anxious. I’m sensitive around that area and allowing you to kiss there makes me feel vulnerable.”

John understood how Esther felt and wondered how they could work together through these issues. He decided on a compromise.

“Esther, what if we just try it for a minute or two? That way, I can show you that I will stop when we’ve decided, and you can enjoy the kissing, knowing that it’s just for a short time.”

Esther considered John’s suggestion. She wanted to move forward with John and giving it a go may help improve the trust between the two of them.

Looking into John’s eyes, Esther nodded her consent and they moved closer on the sofa. John gently lifted Esther’s hair away from her neck then laid whisper soft kisses on her jawline. Slightly firmer ones were littered up and down her neck. Each kiss caused pleasurable tingles on Esther’s skin and she could not contain the little sighs and gasps of contentment as John moved along. 

As he moved to her collarbone, his tongue joined his lips, and Esther’s gasps and moans became louder. 

Esther enjoyed the sensations of John’s tongue and lips on her sensitive skin and basked in the delightful reactions. After a few minutes of bliss, she grasped for control of the situation and pushed at John, whispering ‘stop’. 

John dragged himself away and gazed at Esther as she sat there – he summoned up all the willpower he could not to dive in and kiss her again. Esther’s gasps and moans heated up his blood and he stored the memory away to recall when he lay alone in bed later that night. This endeavour was challenging, and he would have to relieve his frustrations before he could sleep tonight.

Esther kept her eyes shut as she tried to push herself out of her daze. John’s mouth certainly affected her around that area of her body - she knew that continued trust between her and John was imperative for them to move forward.

During the next few weeks, John noticed Esther acting more confidently with touches and kisses between them and wondered about suggesting something he longed to do. A few times, after staying up late to watch the TV together, he struggled to part from her to go back to his flat, as he did not want the connection between them to end. 

John took Esther’s hand as they settled on the sofa to watch a film that Friday evening.

“Esther, I was wondering if you wanted to stay with me tonight after the film. We don’t have to do anything, I just thought we could be in the same bed when we go to sleep and when we wake up in the morning.”

He searched her wide eyes – he wanted her to trust him and hoped she would say yes.

“What do you think?”

Esther noted the hope in John’s face. She, too, found it difficult to separate of an evening – just being next to John made her feel content. 

“Stay tonight in your bed, just to sleep?” she repeated, wanting to make sure she understood.

John smiled, “Yes, I thought if it was my bed and you decided you didn’t want to, you could just go back to your flat.”

Esther was glad that John suggested only sharing the bed to sleep, plus she could leave at any time if she wanted. Squeezing his hand, she nodded her agreement. 

After the TV was switched off later that evening, a tension filled the air. They knew what was coming and both so wanted it to work out. Esther went back to her flat to change into her pyjamas and brush her teeth. John quickly changed his bedding for some clean sheets and pillowcases.

He let Esther try out the bed while he changed and brushed his teeth. When he came back, she was sitting on the end of the bed with her eyes shut.

“Esther, are you ok? We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” remarked John as he sat beside her.

Esther turned to him. “I want to do this with you. I’m just a little nervous.”

John took her hands in his, “Esther, that’s ok. Right now, all I want to do is go to sleep in this bed knowing that you are right beside me. Ok?”

Esther gripped John’s hands and gazed into his eyes. She trusted him and wanted to stay. Lifting her chin, she planted a quick chaste kiss on his lips. “Ok, let’s do this.”

John turned off the light, and they climbed under the covers, lying to face one another. After a few moments, their eyes adjusted to the darkness and they could make out each other’s face better. 

“I apologise now if I snore,” said John. 

Esther giggled, “I should have brought some ear plugs! Can I hold your hand?”

“Of course,” said John. 

They held each other’s hand as they lay there, their breathing slowing down and bodies relaxing. Soon they were both asleep.

The next morning, Esther woke first to find their positions changed. She lay with her back to John, and his arm was slung over her waist. Without turning around, she could not see how he was lying but knew he was not right next to her.

She slept well - if John did snore, she slept through it and she felt relaxed and comfortable this morning. 

The arm over her moved and stiffened – John was awake. She gently turned over to face him. He was lying on his front with his face turned towards her and shifted to look at her better.

“Morning, Esther,” he smiled.

“Morning, John,” she replied. “Did you sleep well? I did, I never heard you snoring!”

John’s smile grew bigger and he laughed. “Yes, I slept well, even if I had less space to stretch out.”

“Oh, come on, this bed is plenty big enough for the two of us!” exclaimed Esther.

“So, will you try it out again?”

“Yes, I will.”


	2. Chapter 2

During the following weeks, John and Esther pushed the boundaries of their intimacy, spending many evenings kissing and cuddling although their hands did not yet wander into x-rated territory.

Esther retreated to her flat when she felt her limits reached and John masked his disappointment, trying to concentrate on the progress they were making.

After that first sleepover’s success, John and Esther agreed to try it again, and two weekends passed without incident.

On another Friday night, after busy and tiring weeks at work for them both, they agreed to another sleepover at John’s. Esther went to the bathroom to get ready, then John received a phone call from Crowe.

“Are you out drinking, Crowe? It’s getting late, why have you phoned?” asked John.

Crowe was slurring some of his words and John found it difficult to make out what he was saying.

“Yes, Esther’s here now…… That’s none of your business, Crowe.”

Esther came out of the bathroom and caught the tail-end of the conversation.

“Ok, ok, I’ll try that with her. Go now, Crowe, bye.”

“Try what with me?” asked Esther.

“Oh, nothing, he’s just out drinking, talking nonsense.”

The call caught Esther off-guard and she questioned John. “Do you talk about us with Sidney and Crowe?” There was a sharpness to her tone.

“I have talked about us a little with them, they’re my friends after all,” responded John.

“Do you talk about us trying out things together?” Her tone turned to one of vulnerability.

John sensed Esther’s concern and chose his words carefully. “All I’ve said is we’re building the trust between us, taking it slow. I don’t talk about specific things with them, no.”

Esther, already tired from work felt unsettled. Knowing that John talked about them to his friends, however vague that talk may be, upset her. She started gathering her things together.

“I can’t stay, John. Knowing that all we’ve done together you’ve disclosed to Sidney and Crowe. I trusted you and …”

“No, Esther, I haven’t told them everything we’ve done at all. Please, stay, let’s talk about this…”

But it was too late, Esther was already out of the door and entering her flat.

John wondered whether to follow her – he was confused how the conversation had deteriorated so rapidly. Maybe he should unpick what was said and formulate a response tomorrow morning. It would give Esther a chance to reflect on the evening, too. He slowly got ready for bed but could not sleep for hours, turning the events of the evening over and over in his mind.

Esther went to bed in a fit of temper and tossed and turned, unable to get to sleep with their conversation running through her head. Slowly, she calmed down and realised that talking things through with friends was something she did, too. But she knew what information she divulged to her friends, she did not know what John had said and that made her feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.

She finally fell asleep in the early hours and woke later than usual to a loud knock on her door. Prising herself out of bed was hard work, and she dragged herself over to the door.

With the chain on, she opened it a little to see who was there. John’s contrite face peeked back at her.

She shut the door quickly – he was here, and she had no idea what to say to him. Should she just hear him out and speak to him later?

Opening the door again, without the chain but still a small opening, she managed a quiet “Hello, John” after he greeted her.

“Can we talk about what happened last night?” asked John.

Esther nodded and let him come in whilst she grabbed her dressing gown. 

John waited by the door, not sure whether he should sit down. Esther gestured to the kitchen table and offered him a cup of tea which he accepted.

The air remained tense whilst the kettle boiled, and Esther poured the drinks. She then sat and waited for John to speak.

“Esther, I want to explain what I meant when I said about speaking to my friends last night,” he started.

“Obviously, they know we are ‘dating’ now as opposed to just being friends. Last month, before we had our talk, I did mention to them my concern that I was pushing too fast with touches and kissing. That’s all I said, very general terms. And then we spoke, and we decided what to do to move forward. I haven’t told them any details, just that we’re taking things slowly, until we feel more comfortable with each other.”

He paused to search Esther’s face for a response, but she stared back with a guarded look.

“You know Crowe, he’s always got a risqué or crude remark to make. He knows that we spend time together on a Friday, and he was drunk and rang me to give me his ‘top tips’ as he put it. I just said something to shut him up and get him off the phone.”

He dropped his gaze and fiddled with his mug. “This is my first serious relationship for a while, and I talk to Sidney and Crowe to make sense of my feelings and get some feedback from them if I’m doing the right thing. They’re your friends, too, they want us to get along and be happy together.”

Raising his face, Esther saw a vulnerable look with hope in his eyes. “I care for you very much, Esther, and I want us to work out. I’m really sorry that I’ve upset you, and I hope we can resolve this issue and put it behind us.”

Esther considered what John said. She could understand getting feedback from friends as this was her first relationship for a while and talking with Charlotte and Georgiana had helped her sort out her confused feelings. She did not think John would lie about the level of detail he gave away – she was suitably vague with her friends, too.

The dent to her trust in him was still there, though, and she knew it would take a few days for it to recover.

“John, I understand the need to talk to your friends - I have done it, too. I believe you when you say you have disclosed very little detail about what we’ve done. However, I do feel like we have spectators sometimes when our friends ask us how things are going.”

She looked at him then, a long hard gaze into his eyes. “I accept your apology, and I apologise for dashing off last night without talking it through. My trust in you has been dented a bit, though, and I just feel we need to take a step back for a little while.”

John frowned, “What do you mean by take a step back?”

Esther contemplated for a moment. “I mean, just be friends for a few days, no sleepovers or kissing or anything.”

“Oh,” was all John said. She could see him bite his lip as his eyes turned glassy. “Um, are you still hosting the games night tonight?”

Esther nodded.

Hesitantly, he asked, “Am I still welcome to come?”

“Yes, of course,” confirmed Esther.

John nodded. “Ok, I’ll see you later then.” He looked away from her, then rose from the table and headed out of her flat to his own.

John shut the door behind him and let his guard down. Tears slipped from his eyes and slowly rolled down his cheeks. One drunken phone call from Crowe and now he and Esther were just friends again. These last few weeks were challenging for him, being patient with Esther, and because of last night she had withdrawn from him and he could not even hold her hand or kiss her. 

He did care for her very much and wanted her to feel comfortable with him but to be put on the bench for a few days hurt him, too. He went back to bed - maybe a nap would help him feel better.

Esther could see John was upset, but last night knocked her confidence. The last few weeks pushed hard at her boundaries of intimacy with John, and she wanted to take a break from it for a few days. Just being friends, without having to think about that side of their relationship, would get her back on an even footing so they could try again.

Knowing she had a busy day ahead of her getting ready for games night, Esther pushed the issue to the back of her mind. She got herself dressed and ate some toast for breakfast before going shopping and cleaning her flat.

John waited until he heard the others arrive at Esther’s flat before heading across. He did not want to be alone with Esther as he thought it would make them both uncomfortable. Lying in bed this morning did not end in sleep, only made him think more about what happened and give him a headache. The ache still lingered in the background, but he grabbed his beer and knocked on Esther’s door.

Everyone, apart from John and Esther, were in good spirits and no-one said anything when they each sat down as far apart from one another as possible. John suspected Esther told Charlotte what happened, and she then notified everyone else. Inane chatter about work and current events flowed as they set up and Crowe regaled them with some of his antics from last night.

John was not in the mood for Crowe’s stories as he knew that his drunken phone call sparked off the issue between him and Esther. He kept quiet for a bit and then grumpily asked if they were going to start playing or not.

The others took note and the game commenced. Remarks were made about the game only, as everyone could feel a little tension in the room. John tried to focus on the game, but his gaze kept straying to Esther – she never looked across at him, though, her attention was solely on the board game.

Two hours in, and the game was into high stakes of mortgages and hotels. John’s focus was lost as not once did Esther look across at him. He tried to put a brave face on it, with all their friends here maybe she was distracted. But it hurt him – even as a friend she used to smile at him. After her next turn, she left to go to the bathroom. He watched her go and caught some comment from Crowe about concentrating on the game. Not in the mood for Crowe’s teasing he got up and walked out, back to his flat.

The lack of sleep and strong emotions of the last 24 hours caught up with him and he stood staring out of his kitchen window, his stomach twisting with upset and hurt over how his and Esther’s relationship had faltered. Tears slipped out of his eyes as he realised there was little else he could do to make her trust him. He explained to her what he said to the boys and she accepted his apology, but it was not enough.

He had no idea how long he was stood there when he heard a light knock on his open door and Sidney came in.

“John, are you ok? It’s your turn again.”

John brushed his hand across his face to wipe away his tears before he turned around. Sidney’s face fell when he saw John’s sad expression.

“I’m not in the mood, Sidney. Play on without me.” John could not keep the tremble out of his voice.

“What happened with you and Esther? Charlotte said you two were taking a step back or something – Esther phoned her earlier today. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really, I’d rather just go to bed and forget about it for now.” John knew Sidney wanted to help but he was not in the right frame of mind.

Sidney had a suggestion, “Maybe, we could meet up at the pub tomorrow afternoon? Have a chat over a pint?”

John nodded and Sidney said he would give him a ring tomorrow. He left and John retired to his bedroom, hoping he could sleep and feel better in the morning.

Sidney returned to the friends and there were expectant faces awaiting an update. He remarked that John would not be coming back, and they should play on without him. They all knew then that whatever happened was quite serious as John was rarely in a bad mood.

Esther’s heart plummeted when Sidney returned without John, and her stomach twisted as she realised John was still upset because of what happened earlier. The concerned glances from the others confirmed her suspicions that they knew something was wrong between them.

The game did not last much longer, and the friends helped Esther to tidy up before they left. Everyone offered subdued goodbyes and Charlotte said Esther could ring her if she wanted to talk. Esther nodded then locked her door before retreating to her bedroom.

Esther’s mind was full of John when she tried to go to sleep. She wanted to take a step back from him, for a few days, just to feel settled again, then they could pick up where they left off. But it must have upset John a lot for him to leave the games evening like that. Feelings of guilt built up inside her as she recalled how she accepted his apology this morning, but still pushed him away. Had she hurt him with that rejection?

No past experiences prepared her for dealing with an upset boyfriend, especially when she realised it was her fault. She decided to ring Charlotte the next day, to see if she could help her plan what to do and find some way of mending their broken relationship.

John eventually fell asleep and woke mid-morning on Sunday. He ate a bit of breakfast, but had very little appetite. Sidney rang and they arranged to meet at the pub that afternoon.

Sidney had a pint ready and waiting for him when he arrived. They sat in a quiet corner so that they could talk with no distractions.

John decided to start from the beginning – the phone call from Crowe, Esther hearing the end and making conclusions, then admitting he spoke about their relationship with Sidney and Crowe.

“I tried to explain that I didn’t give any details, but she just stormed off. I left it until the following morning, and we spoke again. Told her I cared for her and that I talked to you two to get feedback sometimes, because I wanted the relationship to work out. I apologised for upsetting her and she accepted it, and she apologised for storming out. But then she was saying her trust in me was dented and we should take a step back for a few days, just be friends again.”

John had to stop, his feelings were still raw, and he took some sips of his beer.

“Then, during the games night, she never looked at me once. It was like she couldn’t bear the sight of me. It was upsetting, that’s why I left.”

More gulps of beer were needed to settle his agitation. “I just feel like anything I do is not enough. It’s been a challenge to take things slowly because I do really like her, and I’ve struggled sometimes, but I have tried so hard so that she can trust me. Then Friday happened and even though I explained and apologised, it still ends up with her pushing me away. I don’t know what more I can do.”

His head hung low then, as he gazed unseeing into his beer, his agitation replaced by the sensation of helplessness.

Sidney listened intently and took some time to reflect on these events and John’s reactions.

“John, I’m going to give you my opinions on this and I want you to remember that I’m on your side, I want you and Esther to be in a happy relationship.”

He sipped his drink and started with his observations. “Firstly, know that you can only control what you do. Esther is her own person and does her own thing. Even when you’ve done all you can it may still be up to the other person to meet you half-way. I’ve found that out the hard way with Charlotte.”

“Secondly, I know you like Esther a lot, but there are different ways that you can show that to a person. It’s not all about how physically intimate you are. I don’t know the details of what you’ve been doing, but maybe you’re putting too much pressure on that side of the relationship. Take a step back, as Esther has said, but find other ways to show how much you care for each other.”

John thought about this point and decided it had some merit. He would have a think about other ways he could show he cared.

“Finally, be honest about your feelings. Esther was honest saying her trust in you was dented. You be honest and say the way she ignored you last night upset and hurt you. You both have feelings and they’re both just as valid. There is no right or wrong with them.”

John understood everything that Sidney said, and it all made sense to him. He would think about how to discuss these points with Esther.

“How did you become so wise, Sidney?” asked John with a wry smile. 

“I’ve learnt as I’ve gone along with Charlotte, it’s not plain sailing to keep yourselves happy in a relationship,” he explained. “Also, I’m going to have words with Crowe. His drunken antics are getting beyond a joke.”

Esther called Charlotte after lunch on Sunday and hoped she was free to talk. Charlotte answered after the third ring and settled down to talk with her friend.

Esther started by saying she realised that what happened between her and John must have really upset him, and she needed help to know what to do. She did not want the relationship to end between them.

Charlotte asked her to go through what happened on Friday evening. Esther explained hearing the tail-end of the telephone conversation with Crowe and what she and John said to each other then and the following morning. Whilst talking about it, she realised her tired mind caused her to make assumptions about the subject matter on the phone and then she unfairly accused John of divulging private information to his friends.

Talking with John the following morning, she accepted his explanation - she talked to her friends just as he did. Still feeling vulnerable about the whole incident, though, she said they should take a step back.

“Oh, Charlotte, I only wanted us to go back to being friends for a few days just until I felt settled again. But I remember John’s face when I said it – he bit his lip and his eyes looked tearful. He wondered if he was still welcome at the games night. I really upset him, didn’t I?”

Charlotte agreed, “I think you did upset him. He was a little grumpy when he first arrived last night and then he left abruptly later on. I noted a few times he was looking at you during the evening – did you see?”

Esther thought back. “I felt self-conscious that you all knew about us and was trying to focus on the game. I thought he looked across a couple of times, but I didn’t look back. Oh!”

She suddenly realised she never looked at him during the evening because she was too absorbed in her own mind. “What if he thought I was still angry with him? That I didn’t want him there?”

Tears started to roll down her cheeks as the realisation dawned that she exacerbated this issue. “If only I made clear what I meant about taking a step back, that I still wanted to be together but just maybe not see him as much or take a break from trying to be closer.”

Esther sobbed down the phone to Charlotte, thinking John may have misunderstood her and was upset because of it.

Charlotte let her cry a little then said softly, “Ok, we think we’ve recognised what’s happened and why John seems so upset. What shall you do to sort this out?”

Esther took a few breaths to think. 

“I need to apologise to him, especially for ignoring him last night. And I need to explain to him what I really meant by taking a step back from our relationship.”

Charlotte intervened, “You said about trying to become more intimate with him recently. How is that going?”

“It’s been going well, generally, but I do find myself getting quite tense about some things,” contemplated Esther.

“Speak to John about how you feel. When you talk about taking a step back, is that what you mean? Doing less of these more intimate things because it is making you tense and there is too much pressure on you?” suggested Charlotte.

“Yes, that’s what I meant. But maybe John thought I meant not to see him at all for a few days.” Esther’s gut twisted as she wondered if that was a reason John was so upset.

“You know, Esther, there are lots of ways you two can show you care about each other. It doesn’t all have to be about the physical intimacy,” commented Charlotte.

Esther reflected on this. “I suppose we got fixated on it because John and I wanted those things and I was struggling because of my past experiences. Plus, I don’t recall doing much else with my ex when I was with him, apart from the physical side of things, so I will have to think about what other things we can do.”

“What did you do with John before you started dating properly? I remember you saying about going running and having movie nights,” asked Charlotte.

“Yes, we still do them, although I suppose we could go to the cinema for a movie, make a proper date out of it. And I would like for us to go out for dinner more, rather than staying in and cooking.”

“There you go then,” said Charlotte. “You’ve already got some ideas you can take to John and see what he thinks.”

Esther thanked Charlotte for her help in dissecting recent events and finding ways of getting her and John back on track. 

After the call with Charlotte, Esther took time to think about all that happened and how to resolve the issues with John. She did not like to have worries weighing on her mind so elected to speak to John this evening. Planning exactly what to say was key, these issues were emotional for them both, and she wished to make sure she covered every aspect and included her apologies.

She hoped that John would be willing to listen and agree to them staying together. Then they could find ways of moving forward and show each other how much they cared without as much pressure.

John drank another pint with Sidney, and they chatted about work and how things were going with Charlotte. The couple had only been living with each other for three months so there were still ‘differences’ being ironed out between them. John wondered whether he and Esther would last as a couple and move in together. He quite liked the idea. 

When he got home, he decided to have a quiet evening thinking about what he could say to Esther. There were three main points he wanted to discuss. Firstly, the reason he was so upset yesterday – he needed Esther to understand that ignoring him last night hurt him. 

Secondly, he wanted to determine why she felt the need to step back from the relationship. Did she feel the pressure of trying to be more intimate, just as he did? If so, maybe they should go back to doing more of the things they did when they were friends and be less preoccupied about the physical side. Perhaps it would happen more naturally for them that way?

Thirdly, he had some ideas for ‘proper’ dates they could go on as a couple. Maybe doing those together would help develop a deeper connection and trust between them.

Of course, all of this hinged on whether Esther would even let him talk to her. After she ignored him last night, the thought crossed his mind that the relationship was over. He pulled his mind back from that train of thought – she said she wanted to step back, not end it.

Later that evening, John finished his meal and was just settling down in front of the TV when there was a knock at the door. His heart rate quickened as he realised it could be Esther. Switching off the TV, he swiped his palms down his jeans and went to the door.

He took a deep breath then opened it. Esther was waiting with her hands clasped in front of her.

“Hi John,” she said softly as she gazed at him from red-rimmed eyes. “Can we talk?”

John’s heart was pounding but he managed a nod and let her in. They stood awkwardly by the door. 

“Um, do you want a cup of tea?” suggested John.

“Yes, ok,” replied Esther and she took a seat at the kitchen table, wringing her hands while she waited. John tried to focus on teabags and milk as his belly fluttered with apprehension.

After what seemed like an eternity, they were both sat down with a mug of steaming tea.

Neither could maintain eye contact with each other, and they both ended up looking at the table surface.

Esther took a deep breath and started to speak, shakily at first.

“John, I know what happened between us yesterday upset you and I wanted to apologise. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions on Friday, and for storming off. I’m also really sorry for ignoring you last night.” 

John looked up to see her contrite expression.

“I was self-conscious that our friends knew something happened between us and so I focussed on the game.” She hung her head regretfully.

John responded, “Esther, that really hurt me. I was already upset and when you didn’t look at me last night, I thought you were still angry with me. It upset me a lot, that’s why I left.” 

A rogue tear rolled down his cheek and he wiped it away.

“Yes, John, I realised this afternoon when I thought about everything that happened. I’m really sorry.” 

She looked at him with a remorseful expression.

“I also don’t think I explained myself very well when I said I wanted to take a step back.” 

She paused and maintained eye contact with him, gripping her mug tightly to ground her.

“I like you very much and I want us to remain together. But these last few weeks, I’ve felt pressure sometimes, when we’ve tried things together. I just wanted us to take a break from that, and go back to doing stuff together like before, when we were just friends.”

John nodded, “I understand. I think this weekend has made me realise maybe we’ve fixated on the physical side too much. I agree - we should take a break from that side, there are other things we can do together.” 

He gave Esther a small smile and she reciprocated, then stretched out her hand towards him. He took it and they spent a minute in their own thoughts, contemplating how their relationship would be going forward.

Esther broke the silence, “I wonder, do you want to go to the cinema on Friday? We could have a takeaway here and then go see the new Mission Impossible film?”

John grinned, "Yes, I’d like that very much.”


	3. Chapter 3

Later that week, John met up with Sidney for a drink after work. Sidney asked if John had spoken with Esther. 

“Yes, she came round Sunday evening. She realised she hurt me and apologised. We’re staying together, going to concentrate less on the physical side of the relationship and more on spending time together doing stuff we enjoy. She’s asked me to go to the cinema on Friday.”

“Oh, good. I’m glad you’ve been able to talk,” responded Sidney.

They were interrupted then by Crowe sitting down with a pint. “Hi, boys, how’s it going?”

“Hi, Crowe,” said Sidney. John glared and just said “Crowe,” – he had not forgiven him for the drunken phone call.

Sidney nudged Crowe then and tilted his head towards John.

Crowe swallowed and started to speak, “So, um, John. I want to apologise for my drunken phone call to you last Friday. Sidney told me it sparked off the, erm, issue between you and Esther. How are things with you and Esther?” 

He looked at John with a remorseful face.

“We’ve spoken and we’re staying together. Going to take things slow for a while,” said John.

Crowe looked relieved. “That’s great news!” he enthused.

Sidney nudged him again and Crowe glared back.

“Um, so I have a friend who runs an upmarket restaurant in town. I could arrange it with him for you and Esther to have dinner there one evening?” suggested Crowe.

Sidney kicked him under the table. “I’ll be paying for it, of course.” Crowe glared at Sidney then sent a hopeful look to John.

John thought about it for a few moments, dragging it out to keep Crowe uncomfortable, then answered, “Yes, that would be great. Thanks, Crowe.”

Crowe nodded, “Right, I’ll see when I can get a reservation for you, OK?”

That week, Esther and John spent some time together - out running in the park and watching their favourite TV programmes. They chatted about work and made plans for dates together, including the dinner date courtesy of Crowe. A bit of kissing and cuddling happened on the sofa, but only when they both wanted to do it.

John focussed on looking forward to the time he could spend with Esther, no matter what they were doing, rather than on missing out on kissing her. Esther stayed in the moment, just enjoying being with John and if she felt like giving him a quick kiss, she did. John relished those quick kisses from Esther the most, as he knew the trust was building between them.

Their date at the cinema went well – they both enjoyed the film and spent the taxi ride home discussing the plot and the best action scenes. The discussion was finished in Esther’s flat with a small glass of wine. When the topic of the film was exhausted, and the wine finished, the last inch of space between them disappeared and some time was spent kissing on the sofa, until they realised how late it was and separated to go to bed.

Over the next two weeks, John and Esther went on a few excursions to spend some time together. There was an evening at an art gallery, a day trip to the beach and an afternoon in the city’s museum. Using this time to hang out developed the friendship side of their relationship and highlighted further interests they had in common. Esther realised it was a long time since she laughed so much, and John’s heart swelled every time she smiled or laughed at one of his jokes.

There was a project John spent months working on for his employer, and it was finally reaching its conclusion. The following week required him to put in long hours to meet the deadline, and so the couple spent much less time together in the evenings. There was a little time for a chat over a drink or to watch some TV, but John was tired and needed to be up early for work. 

Physical contact was limited to a few short kisses or a cuddle on the sofa. Esther missed the physical contact and wished to be kissing John for longer. The desire grew as the week went on – she wanted to explore his neck and chest with kisses. Just the thought ignited flames inside her that she had not experienced for years. 

Those thoughts became ideas of what they could do together after their dinner date on Friday. She wanted them to explore each other’s bodies – perhaps they could combine it with a sleepover? Would John be willing to try that again? She was not ready for full intercourse and needed to be open about that with John, but she wondered whether he would be up for it.

As Esther mulled over these desires during the week, she found the craving to be with John outweighed the wariness of taking that next step.

Friday evening came and Esther took time getting herself ready for their dinner date. She wore an off the shoulder emerald green satin dress that came to just above her knee. Her hair was put in a casual up-do with a few wispy tendrils floating around her face. Light make-up and her favourite scent finished off the look. Plenty of thought was given to her underwear and she hoped John would see it later.

John was lost for words when Esther opened her door to him. She radiated beauty and his legs weakened as he gazed at her. 

“Wow, you look amazing!” he breathed but those words did not do her justice. He leant forward and gave her a quick kiss, grasping her hand and giving it a squeeze. Esther gave him a smile and squeezed back.

“Look at you, handsome,” she smirked. John blushed a little at the compliment, he could not remember a girl calling him handsome before.

The restaurant was tastefully decorated with subdued lighting and discreet staff. John and Esther gasped at the prices on the menu, but since Crowe was paying for it, did not dwell too much on those, and instead concentrated on the food. They each spotted dishes the other may like and pointed them out, taking their time to make a choice.

With a bottle of Chardonnay to complement the meal, John started with a little toast.

“Esther, I know we’re still in the early days of our relationship, but I just wanted to let you know – I think you’re extraordinary. I look forward to spending time with you, whatever we are doing.” 

He raised his glass and clinked it with hers.

Her cheeks pink, Esther stared at him for a few moments – shocked from the compliment. She composed herself and thanked him, still blushing. “I enjoy my time with you, too,” she smiled.

Conversation turned to Charlotte’s upcoming birthday – all the friends were going to meet up in town and go clubbing. John realised he did not know when Esther’s birthday was and asked her. She admitted it was the end of next month.

“Would you have told me if I hadn’t asked?” queried John, raising his eyebrow.

“I’m not sure. I’ve not really celebrated my birthday these last few years,” Esther confessed.

“Well, this year will be different. What day of the week is it? If it’s a weekday, we could do something together in the evening then go out at the weekend with our friends,” suggested John.

“I don’t want a big fuss,” said Esther, shaking her head.

“Well, I just want to make the day special for you, so think about what you would like to do, and we’ll do it,” offered John. 

Esther tucked away John’s accolade and the birthday offer into a corner of her mind for further reflection. John always made her feel special when she was with him – he listened to her, supported her and cheered her up when she was down. No man before made her feel that way.

The couple took their time to enjoy the food and wine, each offering the other a taste of their dish so they could make the most out of it. Three courses and a liqueur later, they were pleasantly full and a little tipsy. John suggested going for a drink elsewhere, but Esther had her plan for the evening and said they should go home in what she hoped was a sultry voice. John’s sharp intake of breath and dilating pupils told her she succeeded.

They took a taxi to get home more quickly and just held hands in the car, but their looks and smiles suggested they were thinking about other things.

When they got to their corridor, Esther’s heart was pounding as she asked John if he would like to stay over with her tonight. John’s face showed surprise at the offer but breathed ‘yes’ as his heart started racing, too.

Inside her flat, Esther turned to him and clasped his hands. She swallowed and gathered her courage to suggest to John what she contemplated for most of the week.

“John, I’ve thought about this, and I would like us to explore each other tonight, you know, with touches? I’m not ready for full intercourse yet, but I thought we could try out a few things?”

John’s mouth dropped open and lust darkened his gaze. But then he looked uncertain, “Are you sure?” he asked.

Esther nodded, “We can take it slow, see what each of us likes.” She gazed up at him, trying to gauge his reaction.

John took a moment, then smiled. “Ok then, we’ll take it slow and we both promise to say if we don’t like something or want to stop.” 

The last statement was aimed at them both – John wanted to make sure that Esther remained comfortable and he would have to keep his wits about him lest he went too far.

Esther excused herself to the bathroom, and John nipped to his flat to brush his teeth and bring back pyjamas. He hoped he would only need to wear them for breakfast tomorrow morning.

His stomach fizzed with anticipation of what they would do together. They kissed and cuddled a little bit this week, but he was so busy with work that he was too tired to offer anything else to Esther. But they were taking it slow anyway, and he was concentrating on enjoying the things they did do together – not worrying about anything else. 

Esther’s suggestion surprised him in a pleasant way – he hadn’t expected this, and he would appreciate whatever they did this evening.

He poured them a glass of water each to stave off a hangover from the wine and put them in her bedroom. Not sure whether he should undress or not, he just removed his shoes and socks and left his jacket hanging over her chair. 

His heartrate increased as he sat on the bed to wait for Esther in the dim glow of her bedside lamp. She appeared at the door a minute later – barefoot and with no make-up.

John rose and returned her shy smile. “I can see your freckles now,” he grinned and gently took her hands in his. “I wonder how long it would take for me to kiss each one?”

Esther laughed, “I don’t think we have enough time tonight, but you can kiss a few if you wish.” 

She looked up at him coyly through her lashes.

John leaned in to gently kiss the freckles on her nose and cheekbones. Then he kissed a few on her forehead before moving down to her jawline. Esther gasped as his lips left featherlight touches from one side of her jaw to the other.

John stopped then and gazed at her. “If it is too much, just tell me to stop, OK?”

Esther could barely breathe he was so close, and she nodded as goosebumps prickled over her skin. John elicited gasps and sighs as he planted more soft kisses on her neck and around her collarbone. Her hands moved to his chest as he gently gripped her waist to steady her.

John continued with the kisses up and down her collarbone and over each shoulder. He moved back up her neck to just behind her ear – Esther felt pleasurable tingles travel down her neck and spine from the touching. Esther was engrossed in the sensations, but not ready to lose herself completely, so gently pushed John’s chest and whispered “stop”.

He backed away and looked at her with dazed lust in his eyes - Esther cupped his face with her hand and kissed him, to show that she still wanted to be with him, but it would be on her terms.

John was almost lost in the pleasure of kissing Esther’s neck – her gasps and moans heating his desire so that he was unaware of anything but his lips touching her skin. When she pushed him away, the daze took some moments to clear but then she was kissing him, and he poured all his feelings for her into that endeavour. He kept his hands on her waist, fighting the urge to move them higher.

Without him noticing, Esther unbuttoned half his shirt and surprised John when her hands stroked his chest. He responded with a gasp and moved back slightly to see her gazing at him as she ran her fingers through his chest hair. 

“Do you like this?” she asked. 

“Yes, very much,” John whispered.

Esther then leant forward and laid small kisses to his bare chest. John watched her lips touch his skin as it tingled with the sensations. It was a long time since he enjoyed a woman pleasuring him like this and he relished the experience.

As she trailed her kisses further down, Esther finished unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it to the sides so she could gain access to his ribs and just above the waistline of his trousers. When she kissed there, John could not contain his gasps and sighs – he was certainly sensitive around that area. 

He could feel himself growing hard and decided they should concentrate their efforts elsewhere so he didn’t get too excited. He gently pulled Esther up so he could kiss her again, then asked if it was ok to remove his shirt.

Esther smirked as she pulled it off for him and let her eyes roam slowly over his upper body. John heated up even more under her gaze.

“Do you, um, want to take off your dress?” asked John, cautiously. 

Esther averted her gaze as she thought about this. John was half naked in front of her, and she did say to him about exploring each other’s bodies. It would be only fair to remove her dress – but she had not been semi-naked in front of a man for two years and her shyness and self-consciousness returned.

John sensed this and pulled her close, resting her head on his shoulder. “You don’t have to – if you’d rather go put on your pyjamas that is ok, too.” He kissed her temple and stroked his hand slowly up and down her back.

Esther could sense the note of disappointment in John’s voice but knew he would not push her. All week she thought about them sharing skin to skin contact and she could only do that by taking off her dress. She took a deep breath and pushed herself away from John.

“Ok,” she whispered as she turned her back to him. “Will you unzip me?”

She heard John’s intake of breath and felt his hands near the top of her dress. Slowly he pulled the zip down to the bottom. Esther held her dress up at the front, not quite ready to let it fall.

John leaned in and she felt his breath on her shoulder. “You are beautiful, Esther” and he dropped a few kisses on the back of her neck before circling his arms around her waist and resting his head against the side of hers. The feeling of John’s warm chest against the bare skin on her back was captivating and it increased her desire to try more. She moved John’s arms to the side and let her dress fall, then placed his arms back around her.

Moving his chest forward a little, John tightened his hold around Esther. He closed his eyes and relished the feel of her soft skin against his. Embracing her like this was beyond his expectations for this evening and he memorised as much as he could – the warmth from her back, her hands resting on his forearms, her hair tickling the side of his face. The connection between them was more than lust or desire, it was a warmth that permeated his whole body.

Esther gradually relaxed into John’s hold. To stand there with John and just be, listening to each other breathing, calmed her and she experienced an unspoken bond between them, linking them together. That feeling was new and a little overwhelming to her and she would have to mull it over another time.

Determining that these feelings were enough for her for one night, she whispered to John.

“It’s getting late, we should go to sleep. I’m going to put on my pyjamas.”

John released her from his arms and watched her retreat from the room, grabbing her pyjamas to get changed in the bathroom. He was disappointed that the exploration ended, but he concentrated on the good feelings still lingering in his heart and mind, and the strong connection between them that would stay with him into tomorrow.

He quickly changed into his pyjamas and waited on the bed. When Esther came back, she looked a little disappointed.

“Oh, you covered up your chest,” she smirked. 

“I can uncover it if you wish – I’ll probably be too hot in my t-shirt anyway,” grinned John and pulled the shirt over his head.

Esther smiled and responded “Better” then they both climbed into bed.

She shyly looked over to John and bit her lip. 

“What is it?” asked John.

“Can I rest my head on your chest?”

John smiled, “Only if you promise to stroke your fingers over my chest again.”

Esther giggled and they snuggled together, John’s arm around Esther and her arm on his chest, her fingers gently stroking back and forth. They concentrated on each other’s breathing and soon were dozing off into a peaceful sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Esther are in bed the morning after their 'posh' dinner date.

Heavy rain lashing on the window woke Esther the next morning. She lay still and cosy under her duvet as she found her bearings. Memories of last night’s ‘exploration’ with John materialised in her mind – she could hear his breathing behind her in the bed, but he wasn’t touching her. Curiosity to see what he looked like asleep caused her to slowly turn over, hoping not to wake him. 

His arms were raised above his head on the pillow and the duvet was pushed down to his ribs so she could see most of his chest stretched out before her. She longed to touch him but felt uncomfortable doing it while he was still asleep. Memories of kissing and stroking his chest last night flooded her mind and she recalled his gasps of pleasure.

She also remembered that chest pressed against her back and the heat from his skin seeping into her own. Although she enjoyed those sensations, her self-consciousness of being half naked with him prevented her from turning around and looking him in the eye. Her dreams of what she wished to do last night, and what actually happened, were different, and it came down to her lack of confidence and vulnerability. 

But John was patient and did not push when she was holding back. Bolstered by this reminder of her trust in John, Esther removed her pyjama top then crawled back under the duvet to lie next to him. She could feel his heat radiating across the gap between them. 

Closing her eyes to concentrate on his breathing calmed her thoughts. A few moments later and the bed moved. She looked up to see John’s sleepy gaze on her.

“Hi John,” she whispered.

“Hi beautiful,” he whispered back.

John turned on his side to look at her better. “Did you sleep well?”

Esther grinned, “Yes, and no hangover either, which I’m surprised about.”

John laughed, “Must be the good quality wine at that top-notch restaurant we visited.”

“The food was great, wasn’t it? Good call from Crowe. Maybe we should save up to go again?” Esther suggested.

“I’d like that,” breathed John and he ran his fingers gently through her hair.

His eyebrows raised and his mouth dropped open in surprise. “I can see your bare shoulder, where’s your top?”

Esther bashfully averted her eyes. “I saw your bare chest and wanted to bare mine too.” 

She glanced up to see his reaction – a gaping mouth, dilated pupils and flushed cheeks.

He swallowed hard and rasped “Oh”.

Esther was clutching at the duvet and willed herself to push it down a little so he could see more. She heard him gasp as she managed to push it to the top of her breasts. 

“Are there more freckles?” John’s tone deepened.

His eyes were full of lust and hope, but there was a softness to them, as though he was willing her to relax with him. She focussed on his eyes and wished to bare herself to him, to have him travel the lustful gaze all over her. Discovering her daring side, she pushed the duvet down to her waist and watched his face. 

John gasped as his eyes slowly roamed across her body, the pupils growing larger and his cheeks flushing pinker.

His eyes roamed back to hers and he whispered, “There are plenty more freckles.”

Esther knew what he wanted to do, and she wanted him to do it.

“Touch me,” she breathed. 

John stared as if he could not believe what he just heard, but quickly came to and slowly reached out with his hand.

He started at her collarbone with one finger and gently trailed it down, following the patterns of her freckles. He traced the dip between her breasts before trailing back up to her other shoulder. Esther sighed and watched as his eyes followed the path of his finger. 

He swallowed before speaking hesitantly, “Um, can I touch your breasts?”

Esther nodded and pushed her chest out a little more so he had better access.

His finger started at her collarbone again and moved slowly down to one breast then circled around it. She felt a tingling sensation as her nipple shrank to a pert nub. John’s focus was intense on that nub and he held his breath. 

A few moments passed and then his finger moved up and around her other breast. Esther felt the tingling sensation again as her other nipple succumbed. 

John moved his fingertips to feel the underside of her breast. To Esther, it seemed like he was weighing it up before his hand gently cupped the whole.

“Esther,” he released breathily, her name holding all his wants and desires in those two syllables.

“John,” she responded, moving her face towards his to meet him in a sensual kiss, that heated up as his hand remained cupped around her breast. Esther needed more contact and moved her arm round his shoulder to pull him towards her. John moved closer, then two muscular arms encircled her and brought her chest flush with his own. 

The kiss and their close proximity ignited flames in them, and they continued kissing for some time, until Esther, lost in the sensations and needing more, pressed her pelvis against John. The hard feel in his groin jolted her out of her bliss and she pulled back breathing heavily. She could not make eye contact with John – she was embarrassed from her wantonness and unprepared for his body’s reaction to their kissing.

“Esther, are you ok? We don’t have to go any further if you don’t want to.” 

She heard but felt detached from John’s voice.

“Here, come lie on my chest and we’ll snuggle for a bit.”

Esther lay down and let John’s arms envelop her. She concentrated on his heartbeat and his breathing to calm her own. After a few minutes, she was composed enough to ask John a question.

“What about you, John? What shall we do about your …?” She was too embarrassed to say the word.

“It’s ok, it will subside soon enough.”

John knew that was a half lie, it would subside, but he would probably have to take some time to relieve his ardour when he went back to his flat.

They lay together for a while, each in their own thoughts about all that happened between them last night and this morning. Their physical intimacy and trust moved on apace, but both were still aware of its limits. 

The harsh sound of a heavy downpour jarred them from their musings, and John gently pushed Esther off him.

“I’m going to the bathroom then I’ll put the kettle on for us, eh?”

Esther smiled and pulled the duvet around her. Once he left the room, she put on her top and found her dressing gown. She was glad they tried so much today, but she was still conscious of her limitations. Not that John remarked on them, he was so patient with her, but she wished that she was able to do more with him.

Over breakfast, they discussed the weather and postponing their run as it was still raining. John suggested they both went to his gym – he still paid for membership and he could purchase a guest day pass for Esther. They could try out the treadmills and cross trainers, and there was access to a steam room afterwards.

Esther liked the idea as they could still exercise and be together without getting soaked. They arranged a time to meet to catch the bus.

The trip to the gym was fun. They were able to get equipment close to one another so could chat a little as they exercised. Esther was impressed with the different types of machines available and the changing rooms were clean and spacious. She gathered her courage to go in the steam room with John and they sat next to one another so they could talk some more. Esther’s gaze was drawn to John’s chest a couple of times, but she tried to concentrate on his face, as did he with her.

On the way home, they bought lunch and ate together in Esther’s flat. That Saturday evening was boys’ and girls’ nights out, so they parted with a little kiss to give them time for chores before they got ready.

When he met with Sidney and Crowe, John asked for advice about what to do for Esther’s birthday.

“I don’t know that she was going to tell me if I hadn’t asked. She says she hasn’t really celebrated her birthday these last two years. I’m not sure what to plan for it,” he wondered.

“I know, my family always made a big deal about birthdays, but some people don’t,” pondered Sidney.

“No, my family were never big on birthdays once you got past 12,” lamented Crowe.

“I suggested she have a think about what she wanted to do. I know we’re going out as a group for Charlotte’s and I would like to do that for Esther if she was willing.”

“Maybe see how she feels when we’ve had Charlotte’s birthday bash – she’ll have a better idea if it suits her. Have you thought about what to buy her?” asked Sidney.

John shook his head. “I’ve had a few thoughts, but they all seem too much when we’ve only been dating a short while.”

Crowe had a suggestion, “What about those gift experiences? Get her something you know she likes and maybe she hasn’t done for a while, since she moved here.”

“That’s a good idea, Crowe, I’ll have a think on that one.”

The girls were sharing a bottle of wine at a quieter bar so that they could talk. Georgiana just finished describing a saga that happened at work that week and she was ready to drink to forget about it. Esther was a little subdued, thinking about her time with John last night and her birthday coming up.

“So, enough of my trials and tribulations with the idiots I work with, what’s happening with you, Esther?”

Esther was knocked out of her thoughts and she stared at her two friends. “Oh, John and I went out for dinner last night at that posh restaurant that Crowe arranged.”

“How did that go?” asked Charlotte.

“It was great! The food is really good, expensive, but it was delicious. I ordered a melt in the mouth lamb stew and it was beautiful. Me and John enjoyed the food and talked all evening.” She averted her gaze at the end as she blushed thinking about what they did when they got home later that evening.

“Oh, yes, and what happened after the meal?” queried Georgiana with a smirk.

Esther blushed even more as she looked at her friends. “I asked John to stay over at mine…”

Charlotte glanced at Georgiana and then spoke softly, “And did he stay over?”

Esther nodded and smiled, but it faltered when she remembered the abrupt halt to this morning’s activities.

“Yes, and we had a good time. I just wish I felt more comfortable to do more intimate things together.”

Charlotte looked concerned, “Is John pushing you to do things you don’t want to?”

Esther’s head shot up, “No, no, John has been so patient with me. I just feel like I want to do more with him but when it comes to actually trying it out, I get too anxious and withdraw from him.”

She paused and took a deep breath to calm herself. “John has been really good about it, and we have been concentrating on other aspects of our relationship. Like today, because it was raining, we went to John’s gym and tried out all the equipment and the steam room. It was good fun.”

“Well, that’s great,” commented Georgiana.

“I just feel I’m not good enough, that I’m not able to do some things with John.”

Charlotte interrupted, “You stop right there, Esther. You are good enough – that’s why me and Georgiana are spending time with you now, and why John wants to be with you. You’ve just had a bad experience in the past and it takes time to get over something like that.”

“Maybe you should speak to John again – tell him how you feel. He’s a decent man, he’ll be supportive,” suggested Georgiana.

Esther nodded and fiddled with her glass. “Also, my birthday’s the end of next month – he asked me what I wanted to do to celebrate.”

The two friends let out a chorus of “Ooh, that’s great, what day?”

“We would like to celebrate with you, wouldn’t we Charlotte?” said Georgiana.

“If you want to, of course,” replied Charlotte.

Esther smiled at the two of them. “I’m going to have a think about what I want to do. I’ve not really celebrated the last two years.”

“Well, we’ve got Charlotte’s birthday bash first, so you can try that out to see if it is something that you would like to do. Or we could have a special birthday shopping trip?” suggested Georgiana.

“Yes, there’s plenty of time to think about what you want to do – celebrate how you want to, Esther,” entreated Charlotte.

The following week, Esther dived into her work and only spent a little time with John each evening. They managed one run in the park and watched a film together another night. Being together was pleasurable, they were getting to know one another better, and Esther felt a deeper bond developing between them.

But Esther still wanted to do more. At night, alone in bed, she thought about how to broach the subject with John. She knew they were concentrating on just enjoying the time they spent together and not pushing the boundaries, but she wondered how to further that intimacy. Friday night they were going to an event in town – she thought about talking with him when they came home. Perhaps he would stay over with her again?

John was working hard that week also – he enjoyed the time he spent with Esther, although he could tell there was something on her mind. He hoped she would speak to him when she was ready – if not by Friday, then he would ask her. 

Late at night, he also spent time remembering what they did after the meal last week – that night was special for him because it was initiated by Esther. He hoped there would be another night like that, but he wouldn’t push for it. For now, he was content with the kissing and cuddling they were doing on the sofa and as they spent more time together, he knew they were building the trust between them.

The following Friday they visited the ‘light night’ event in town. John and Esther met after work and had a quick bite to eat before heading off to see the various free mini shows put on around the city centre. They planned a route and timetable to get to see most of them but by ten o’clock they were both shattered and decided to head home. 

On the bus, John sat with his arm around Esther as she rested her head against his shoulder. There was a comfortable silence between them – each thinking what a good time they experienced with the other this evening.

At the apartment block, they spoke at the same time, inviting the other for a drink in their flat. They laughed and tossed a coin to see which flat it would be – Esther won.

They collapsed on her sofa with a beer each and gazed at each other. John was first to speak, “I had a really good time with you this evening.” He smiled the smile that flipped Esther’s belly.

She flushed and beamed back. “I had a really good time, too. You’re fun to be with, John Babington.”

“Well, thank you, Miss Denham.” Their eyes met and their gazes turned from fun smiles to intense looks.

At the same time, they moved towards each other, hands pulling at shoulders and lips meeting in a passionate kiss. Tongues danced whilst hands stroked arms and waists and backs.

Eventually parting for breath, they held each other close, resting their cheeks together. John wished for more kissing but didn’t want to push. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the pleasant evening and the passionate kiss they just shared – he was content with those.

Esther wanted more, too, and sensed the lustful tension from John. She wondered how much more contact she would be comfortable with. Was now the time to speak to John about it?

“John,” Esther started hesitantly, “this last week I have thought about wanting to do more with you, like we did last week, but I’m conscious that I struggle to follow through with what I wish to happen.”

“It’s Ok, Esther. What we did last week was great, but I don’t expect it to happen all the time. I have really enjoyed tonight with you, and our kiss just now was fantastic. I will go to bed happy.”

He gazed cheerfully at Esther and ran his fingers through her hair.

“Will you stay the night again? Perhaps, we can try a few things.” She gazed at him imploringly.

“Yes, I’d like to stay. But I only want to try things if you want to try them for yourself. Don’t just do something on my account, please,” John pleaded with her.

Esther looked away. Why did she want to do these things with John? Was it because she thought he wanted them? She realised in hindsight, that in her last relationship much of what she did was to please her ex, not herself. John would like more she was sure, but he had not asked for anything. She enjoyed doing these things with John, it was only the thought of the relationship ending that made her wary and withdraw.

“John, I do enjoy everything that we do together. But sometimes I remember that relationships don’t always last and I could be hurt again. That’s why I withdraw from you and stop what we’re doing.”

She gazed at him and took a deep breath. “I know you can’t promise that we will last forever, I just wish I could take those chances and not worry about the ‘what ifs’. I want us to share those experiences.”

Her expectant face stirred hope in John, and he pulled her closer to him. “I want to share those experiences with you, too. We’ll spend the night together, but I suggest we keep it to some kissing and cuddling, I’m quite tired from our ‘light night’.” 

Esther nodded and smirked. “Ok, we’ll stay in mine, but you won’t need your pyjamas. I want to rest my head on your bare chest.”

John laughed, “We can do that.” 

The next morning, John awoke to find his cheek pressed into Esther’s hair. In the night, he must have rolled towards her and pressed himself to her back. His arm was wrapped around her with his hand splayed across her midriff. Lying still to prevent waking her, he closed his eyes and cherished this moment – Esther’s ribs moving in and out as she breathed, the coconut scent on her hair, her round bottom next to his groin. 

The latter thought made him realise he had some morning wood and he moved back a bit so that it would not startle her. Ignoring the thought of what he could do with his erection, he concentrated on the good time they enjoyed together last night. Being in Esther’s company was always a delight – her dry sense of humour and insightful remarks on the shows they saw increased the pleasure of the evening. Sometimes he watched her face rather than the show, the sparkle in her eyes and carefree smile more gratification for him.

A sigh caught his attention and Esther was stirring in his arms. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he whispered.

Esther rolled around under his arm to face him. “Good morning.” She pushed her hair from her face and smiled. “Been awake long?”

“A few minutes, I was just thinking what a good time I had with you last night,” remarked John.

Esther’s face lit up and a languid smile appeared. “Yes, the shows were great, weren’t they? But the company was even better!” and she moved in to kiss him, her fingers threading through his hair.

They both lost themselves in the kiss, the sensations of tasting and touching awaking them. Esther pulled John closer, holding onto his shoulders as she surrendered to their passion.

John tangled his fingers in her hair and the hand round her middle teased itself under her pyjama top inching its way to her breast. When it arrived, there was a gasp from Esther, but she carried on with the kiss and dug her fingers into his neck.

That fuelled John’s desire and he rubbed his thumb back and forth over her nipple, moaning into her mouth when he could feel the pert nub. Esther pulled back to catch her breath but pushed John’s mouth to her neck, with a breathy ‘kiss me’ to his ear.

Knowing Esther was sensitive in that area, John took his time with kisses and licks all around her jawline, neck and collarbone. The gasps and moans he provoked from her went straight to his groin and he thrust into her thigh.

That movement penetrated Esther’s mind but rather than shying away from it, she relished it, perceiving that John was aroused from being with her. She pushed John to lie on top of her, opening her legs a little wider so he could fit between them. 

When John felt Esther’s pelvis against him, the arousing sensation flowed through his whole body. Startled, he looked up to see Esther’s lust-filled eyes gazing back at him. His mind reminded him of past experiences with Esther, and he asked quietly, “is this OK?”, needing to know she was happy to continue.

“Yes,” breathed Esther, and she pulled his face down to kiss him again. John leant on his arms so as not to squash her, but the intensity of the kiss increased, causing him to slowly relax onto her.

Esther felt surrounded by John – his tongue in her mouth, his hands round her shoulders, his torso pressed to hers. She needed him at that moment and her body took over, thrusting her pelvis up to him.

John’s body responded with slow thrusts, massaging his erection against Esther’s hot centre and she adjusted her position to get the pressure from John against her clit, moaning when he hit the right spot. Her moans inflamed John’s desire and he increased his rhythm.

Together they succumbed to that motion, intuitively adjusting to the other’s increase in speed as they climbed to their peak. Esther’s concentration was solely on her core and she felt on the edge for what seemed like an eternity until a moan from John pushed her over. She rolled on wave after wave of ecstasy, releasing whimpers and cries.

John heard and felt the change in Esther, and it pushed him to the edge. He picked up the pace until he, too, found his climax and grunted his way through, burying his face into Esther’s neck.

They both lay there panting whilst their minds returned to the present. John gently lifted himself up and rolled to one side, checking Esther’s face for her reaction. She looked relaxed with her eyes closed, so he nestled his face into her neck and left his arm around her waist.

John treasured the moment - even though he was still in his boxers, that experience was amazing. Esther was an extraordinary woman and his heart swelled to be with her.

Esther lay basking in the glow of their passion, her body weak from the exertions. She took a few minutes to absorb that incredible encounter between her and John - that connection between them was like nothing she ever experienced before. The realisation dawned that her and John’s partnership was something special.

The pair lay quietly, savouring the blissful event and neither wishing to break the moment.

Eventually, Esther’s bladder could hold on no longer and she excused herself to go to the bathroom. She wondered what to say to John – she had no words to convey how special was that experience.

John was out of bed when she got back, pulling on his jeans. 

“Oh, are you leaving?” asked Esther, not ready to be parted from him.

“I have to go and get changed, I’m a bit messy,” John said ruefully.

Esther decided to say something, while she still felt the bliss of before.

“John, what we just did, it was incredible.” She moved over to him and laid her hands on his chest.

John’s gaze turned intense and he swallowed hard. Wrapping his arms around her, he spoke “Yes, it was. I’ve never felt like that with anyone else.” He dipped his head to gently kiss her lips.

“Me neither,” replied Esther.

After showering, they ate breakfast together and planned their weekend. Most of it was to be spent at home but they were meeting up with their friends for a meal later. They took time away from each other that day to properly reflect on the morning’s events – after the challenges faced by them to build trust in each other and increase their intimacy, it made a bigger impact than either of them expected. Their overwhelming feelings needed to be contemplated at length so they could make sense of them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be ready for sensual smut in this chapter!

Days passed with the usual routine for Esther and John, meeting up after work for dinner or to watch TV. They fell back to the natural tendency for light kisses and touches when close, holding hands on the sofa and indulging in a quick snog before separating at bedtime. Conversations revolved around day-to-day topics such as work, food and current events.

When alone, they each recalled the passionate events from last weekend, and wondered whether the ecstasy could be recreated between the two of them. After the slow pace to them building their intimacy together, John and Esther both questioned why this time they were able to go so far.

Neither were sure the best way to broach the subject with the other, and the days rumbled on with this magnificent but intimidating experience hanging between them.

Charlotte’s birthday night out was at the weekend and the day before, Esther and John decided to stay in with a takeaway and watch a film on the TV. Sharing stories and news from work over dinner, they settled comfortably into their banter, laughing and smiling with each other. 

Every so often, Esther saw John staring at her with a smile on his face and an intense look in his eyes. Esther returned his smile each time, her stomach fluttering with excitement, but she could not hold his gaze and would shyly look away. 

When John told Esther she was extraordinary at their posh dinner, as they named it, Esther flushed at the compliment, not quite thinking she deserved it. But regularly since then, John gave her these intense looks, with what she believed was adoration and desire in his eyes. He still wanted to be with her even though they were taking it slow with the physical aspect and following the ‘misunderstanding’ the other week. 

Slowly, Esther was beginning to believe herself to be special and deserving of his adoration. After the despicable treatment from Ed, her self-esteem plummeted, and it took a long time to build herself back up. Even now, she still wondered if she was good enough for John. She long thought of him as an exceptional man – from when they were just neighbours and he befriended her, to his support when her flat flooded.

During the film, she reclined against his chest as he wrapped his strong arm around her shoulder. Lazing in his warmth, she realised she was much more comfortable with their physical closeness than when they first started dating. John’s patience with her had paid off. 

But after last week’s incredible sexual experience, she wondered whether she would be comfortable enough to do that again. What they did together was so much more advanced than previous times together and she thought about it every night since then. They had not talked about it and Esther felt her anxiety increasing again.

After two beers and the credits rolling on the film, Esther bit the bullet and switched off the TV.

“John, can I talk to you about something?” she asked and turned to face him on the sofa.

“Yes, of course.” He turned towards her.

Clasping his hands, she took a deep breath to say what was bothering her all week. 

“John, I’ve thought a lot about what we did together last week in my flat. It was an amazing experience, but I’m worried that our expectations are too high, that it was a one-off and I won’t be able to do that with you again.”

She bit her lip and grasped his hands tighter, hoping he understood how anxious she felt. John squeezed her hands back and smiled gently.

“Last week was amazing. I will always remember that experience. But I don’t expect it to happen every time we are together. I think last week we were just in the moment, not thinking with our minds but letting our bodies respond as they wished.”

He moved his hand and gently stroked her hair, resting his fingers on her cheek.

“You are extraordinary, Esther, and I enjoy being with you whatever we are doing. Let’s not get hung up on what we do and how often. We do what we want at that moment and we’re honest with each other about how we feel.”

Esther’s lips trembled, overcome again with how understanding John was with her. A rogue tear escaped her watery eyes and he brushed it away with his thumb.

“Come here,” he pleaded, and she allowed his arms to engulf her while she clutched at his t-shirt.

Resting her head on his shoulder she smelled his masculine scent with a faint hint of spice, and felt the warmth of his body permeate hers. His regular breaths calmed her own and the worry in her chest eased.

Closing her eyes, she concentrated on these sensations, always to be associated with John. She lifted her chin and brushed her mouth across his neck, savouring the scrape of his stubble against her lips. Hearing John’s raspy intake of breath, she did it again and again, then puckered her lips to drop kisses there and on the underside of his jaw.

John’s arms tightened around her and she felt his quickening heart rate underneath her hand on his chest. He dipped his head to plant his lips on hers, the passion unmistakable as his tongue delved into her mouth to dance with hers. Esther’s eyes remained shut and she reached one arm around his neck to make sure he did not move away.

After a few minutes, they parted to catch their breath. Esther noted John’s blown pupils and wondered whether hers were the same. Right now, she wanted to be closer to him, feel his skin against hers, lose herself in his scent and touch. Recalling John’s statement of doing things based on feelings at that moment, she suggested moving to the bedroom.

John nodded, and took her hand, leading her through the door and flicking on the lamp. The look he gave her was full blown lust and desire and Esther appreciated that it was all for her. Emboldened by this, she placed her hands at the bottom of his t-shirt and gently pushed it up his chest. John lifted his arms to pull it off and Esther let her hands stroke up and down his skin, noting the small goosebumps prickling over his flesh.

She scraped her nails gently over his ribs and through the curly chest hair, fascinated by the sensations of coarse hair and soft skin with the hardness of bone underneath.

John could not silence his gasps as Esther continued her ministrations and rested his hands on her hips for a moment to steady himself. He moved his fingers underneath her shirt, stroking the warm skin above the waistband of her jeans. He whispered her name, a question to it as he gently lifted the hem of her top. Esther looked up at him and nodded, lifting her arms so that he could pull her top off over her head. His quiet gasp as he looked at her chest sent shivers up her spine and she boldly moved her hands behind her to undo the clasp on her bra. She struggled a little but then it was undone, and she pulled it off.

John delighted in seeing her breasts again, but realised how big a step this was for Esther. He waited as she forced her eyes up to look at him and he met her look, a happy smile on his face.

“You are extraordinary, Esther,” he breathed before leaning in to kiss her again, pulling her to him with his arms around her back. Esther moved her hands around his waist to smooth the muscular planes of his back with her fingers. Their kiss continued, both lost to the sensations of touch and taste and warmth from each other.

Eventually, John moved his kisses to her cheek, then jaw and neck. Slowly he moved lower and lower, all the while his body heating up and his heart pounding as he listened to Esther’s gasps and moans of pleasure.

He moved his hands round to her front to gently cup each of her breasts. The milky white flesh was covered in a smattering of freckles across her collar bone and the rosy pink nipples shrunk to perky tips as he stroked his fingers around them. 

He reached out with his tongue to one, lapping circles around it and Esther’s sharp gasp went straight to his groin. Using his tongue on one and his fingers on another, he spent time worshipping her breasts, doing what he dreamt about for many a night since she first bared them to him weeks ago.

Esther watched John for a minute forcing away her nervous tension to better enjoy the pleasant sensations. She placed her arms round John’s shoulders to steady herself. 

John felt her arms tighten around him as her legs buckled beneath her. Wanting to continue his touching somewhere safer, he stood and suggested moving to the bed. Esther readily agreed.

“Would it be ok if I took off my jeans? They’re a bit constricting,” he asked with a flush to his cheeks. Esther nodded and, after seeing his erection straining at his boxers, gave in to the urge to take off her jeans too.

John’s eyes were almost dark with lust when she looked back at him and she let him pull her to the bed and under the duvet. 

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled their bodies close, her breasts pressed against his hairy chest, and his hardness pushed gently against her heat.

“Esther, is this ok?” he asked softly, keeping his body still whilst waiting for her answer.

She was a little overwhelmed, her body sending her mind all matter of sensations to comprehend. But, overall, there was a sense of pleasure and Esther managed to find her voice.

“Yes, John, this is good,” she whispered before meeting his lips again.

Through all of this touching and kissing, an achy heat was building between Esther’s legs, a sensation she had not felt for a very long time. Last week’s experience in her flat caused a throbbing that built quickly and released as rolling waves. This time the ache was deeper, and Esther rubbed her pelvis against John, unconsciously trying to sate the physical need.

John was experiencing more than he hoped for these last few weeks, and tried to hold back the urge to thrust and thrust against Esther until he came. To be here now with her like this was unexpected but incredible, and he wished to ensure her experience was just as pleasurable as his own.

Keeping one arm round her back to ground her, he kissed her tenderly and slowly let his other hand move down her back to her hip then cup her bum. Esther thrust at him again and lifted her leg over his. This was an invitation to him, no doubt about it, and he gently moved his hand around to her stomach and towards her knickers. 

Wanting to make sure that Esther was ok with what he was doing, he gently pulled his lips away, and whispered to her, “Can I touch you down here?” then moved his fingers slowly over the top of her knickers.

Esther opened her eyes, a little startled but he could see the lust there, too. “Yes,” she breathed, so quietly he barely heard.

He started moving his fingers gently to and fro, going lower and lower until he was over her mound and could dip around to feel the dampness collected there.

Suggesting she lie on her back, so he could get a better angle, he moved his head to kiss and suck at her nipples as he gently moved his fingers to rub at those swollen lips and find the sensitive nub. There was a loud gasp from Esther when he did, and he changed tack to move around it a few more times before touching it again. 

He concentrated on Esther’s sounds and movements as he moved his fingers, whilst ignoring his throbbing cock. Esther’s pleasure was more important to him at this moment, he could wait for his release.

After moving his hand underneath her knickers, he stroked the soft curly hair as he travelled towards her centre. Inching closer, he memorised the feel of her swollen lips soaked in her wetness then dared to move the tip of one finger into her to gauge her reaction.

There was a moan and a thrust from Esther, so he pushed in deeper, feeling the heat and softness all around his finger. Now all he wanted was to push her higher and higher until she fell off the edge into her climax. He persisted with his one finger for a time, and when Esther’s moans turned higher in pitch, he gently pushed another finger in. His thumb moved around her nub and he carried on with both, as Esther writhed next to him and moved her hands to grasp his shoulders as she ascended.

He shifted his body upwards, so that they were pressed chest to chest, her face in his shoulder and his cheek against her hair. Holding her firmly against him, he continued the stroking with his fingers, concentrating on the motion of her body against his.

Soon, her moans came one after another, her writhing quicker and she dug her nails into his shoulders. Then there was a jerky thrust up and she continued thrusting her pelvis, John struggling to maintain the rubbing and pulsing whilst feeling the fluttering around his fingers. He persevered until her movements slowed and she pushed his hand away, the touching eventually too much for her sensitive area.

John placed soft kisses around her collarbone and neck as her arms relaxed around his neck but still held him close. Her thigh caught his erection and he jerked back with the sensitivity.

“Sorry, John,” she murmured but he shook his head, “It’s ok,” he said.

They lay like that for a minute and John pulled back to look at her, wanting to see her face after what he thought was a blissful experience.

“Esther, was that all right?” he asked, needing confirmation.

She lazily opened her eyes and gave him a relaxed smile. “Yes, John. That was incredible.”

“Good.” He kissed her again and lay back against the pillow, her arm resting limply across his chest. He basked in her glow, knowing that he brought her to that conclusion. Soon though, his erection became the focus and he wondered what to do – should he ask her to use her hand and bring him to climax?

“Esther, will you touch me?”

There was a long pause and John wondered if he asked for too much. He squeezed his eyes shut, the frustration from earlier weeks returning to him. Telling himself it was ok if she was not ready, he prepared to lie there a few more minutes before going to the bathroom to release the tension himself. He would just have to be patient a while longer, feeling those touches from her in his dreams only.

The bed dipped and he opened his eyes to see Esther leaning on her elbow looking down at him. She ran her fingers over his chest back and forth.

“Is it ok if I just use my hand?” she asked, her eyes looking at his chest rather than him.

“Yes, but only do it if you want to, Esther. I can go sort myself out if you’re not ready,” said John.

Esther heard the hint of disappointment in his voice, already thinking she did not want this intimacy. In truth, she was nervous, but John brought her great pleasure this evening and she wanted to do the same for him. 

“Show me how you like it John,” she suggested as she pulled at his boxers. 

John pulled his boxers down and off quickly, and Esther’s eyes were drawn to his straining cock, glistening at the tip with precum. Dark brown curly hairs surrounded its base with a narrow path leading up to his navel. Esther rested her head on his chest and curled into his side – she needed to feel him with her as she endeavoured to pleasure him.

Stretching out her hand she gently wrapped her fingers around him, just underneath the round tip. John’s loud moan startled her, and she pulled back her hand.

“Esther, it’s ok – that felt good,” he said as he held her hand and gently moved it back.

She nodded and tentatively grasped him again.

John curled his fingers around her hand – his was so much bigger than her own and she wondered whether she could give him the pleasure he craved.

Determined not to disappoint, Esther concentrated on the rhythm he was showing her and continued when he let his hand fall away.

His breathing rate increased and the arm around her back tightened, his hand splayed possessively over her hip. After a minute, her curiosity piqued, she lifted her head to look at John’s expression. His mouth was agape and his eyes closed, a little frown furrowed between his brows. Esther did not want to disturb his pleasure, but she needed assurance that what she was doing he enjoyed.

“Is this ok?” she whispered. 

His frown deepened, but he managed a breathy ‘yes’ before his chin lifted and his mouth stretched wider. Esther rested her head down again and listened to his thumping heartbeat through his chest.

A short while later, John whispered ‘faster’ and Esther complied, moving her hand closer to the tip and grasping a little harder. John’s legs writhed back and forth on the bed and then his pelvis thrust up once, twice whilst stuttered moans escaped his throat. There was a short moment of stillness from John before Esther felt the pulsing of his cock and the milky white spend spurted out, landing on his stomach and her hand. Esther kept the movements going until John’s moans subsided and she felt him soften a little. She left her hand on his belly, waiting for John to return to her.

Esther was relieved that she succeeded in bringing him to a climax and she hoped that he enjoyed it. Leaving her head on his chest, she listened to his heartbeat slow down and his breathing regulate. Eventually, John’s other hand moved across his body to stroke her hair and rest on her shoulder. 

“Esther, that was amazing,” he rasped, and she lifted her head to see him gazing at her through his lashes, a relaxed smile on his face. Using her legs, Esther pushed herself up so she could pepper his face with kisses.

“Good,” she smiled, “it’s a long time since I’ve done that.” He grinned at her, then lifted his arm and felt around the side of the bed. 

“I’ve got some tissues here somewhere, so we can clean up.”

Esther sat up and realised she was still topless. But John’s adoring smile, as he turned back to her, eased her concern and she braved her nakedness, determined to enjoy this time with John.

They cleaned up quickly then John stretched out his arm, beckoning Esther to lie beside him again. She rested her head on his chest, deciding that was her favourite place to be, and John pulled the duvet around them. John stroked his fingers back and forth over her forearm lain across his chest.

“I really enjoyed tonight, Esther.” John stated, his fingers continuing their stroking. “How about you?”

Esther took a breath and thought about what she wanted to say. After the many weeks of anxiety about becoming intimate with John, she realised that it was her trust in him that allowed her to forget ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ about their relationship and just go with the flow of the moment with him. He was so patient with her, and made sure she was ok with what they were doing, that this evening’s activities turned out to be the most pleasurable she had ever experienced.

“Tonight was amazing, John. I think it’s the best experience I’ve ever had with a man,” she spoke quietly and honestly.

John’s arms tightened around her, but he refrained from saying anything. Esther’s comment overwhelmed him, and he wondered whether she was overwhelmed, too. To be together this evening, and be as intimate as they had been, was long awaited by him and he wanted to bask in the afterglow a while longer.

They lay there quietly, just cherishing the cosy confines of the duvet before John roused himself knowing sleep was imminent.

“Esther, will you stay tonight?”

She lifted her head and raised an eyebrow, “Of course! I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” she smirked.

John laughed and asked if she wanted her pyjamas or to brush her teeth.

She shook her head and he smiled back. Flicking off the light switch he settled back down and pulled her closer to him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter where John and Esther talk about their past relationships.

Esther and John spent the following day sporting little grins, both feeling in a joyful mood after the success of the previous night’s activities. They partied with their friends, celebrating Charlotte’s birthday, drinking in a few bars then heading off to a club for more drinks and dancing. John felt more confident being handsy with Esther, and Esther welcomed the attention and gave as good as she got. 

By the end of the night, they could not be separated on the dancefloor and had to restrain themselves in the taxi on the way home. Because they had been drinking, John did not expect Esther to want to stay over with him, but she accepted his offer and they kissed and cuddled for a while before falling asleep.

For a few weeks now, John noticed how much he looked forward to seeing Esther and it was not just for the possibility of kissing and cuddling with her. The happiness he felt seeing her face after a difficult day at work, then talking about their respective days with each other, and finally sitting next to her on the sofa watching TV whilst holding hands – all of these things filled him with a contentedness he never experienced before.

More and more he counted down the hours until he could see Esther again, trying to ignore the dull ache that manifested in his gut if he hadn’t seen her for more than a day (which wasn’t very often now.) 

Friday was their sleepover night as they furthered their physical intimacy, but John started to resent having to separate from Esther on the evenings during the week. He refrained from saying anything to Esther for a while because he knew she was still getting used to them being together.

But after their recent successes, John determined the trust and ease that existed between the two of them now supported his decision to request more.

Esther worked late on a project midweek and only popped over for an hour to watch some TV with John. They were both tired from work, but John did not want to be parted from Esther so soon. 

After switching off the TV, he proposed his suggestion for the evening.

“Esther, I know it’s midweek and we’re both tired, but I was wondering if you wanted to stay with me tonight?” he asked.

Wide eyes stared back at him.

“We don’t have to do anything. I thought we could just spoon and go to sleep together.” He raised his eyebrows hopefully.

Esther frowned. “What do you mean spoon?” she queried.

“It’s when you cuddle like spoons – you have your back against my chest and I wrap my arms around you,” explained John.

Esther’s face relaxed a little. “I didn’t know it was called that. We’ve done it before, haven’t we?”

“Sort of, I’ve woken up wrapped around you some mornings. I just wanted us to stay together tonight – what do you think?” John grinned at her with a hopeful expression.

After working hard this week, Esther looked forward to grabbing some time with John. She, too, didn’t want to part so soon and being together tonight sounded like a good idea.

“Ok then. I’ll go put on my pyjamas and be back in five minutes, eh?” she said with a sparkle in her eye.

John’s heart swelled and he quickly got ready for bed and tidied his room. He was waiting in bed when she returned.

Lifting the duvet for her, John could already feel his mind relaxing, ready for sleep next to Esther. She climbed in, giving him a quick kiss on his lips. 

“Ok, I know we like kissing, but to spoon, you’ll have to face away from me,” commanded John and Esther pouted as she rolled over.

“Right, just wiggle back a little, so we fit together.”

Esther felt his arms pull her towards him, so her whole back pressed against his chest.

“Just push your bum back a little more,” suggested John.

Moving back a little, Esther realised her bum would be squashed up against his groin and she cheekily gave it a little wiggle to get comfy.

John laughed, “None of that, otherwise we’ll never get to sleep!”

He pushed her thighs back, so they met his and then returned his arm to her middle. Esther rested her calves against his shins and mentally took note of how she could feel John’s body from her head all the way down to her feet. 

“How’s that? Does it feel ok?” asked John. His voice was right next to her ear and sent shivers up her spine. She took a couple of breaths and contemplated the feeling.

“Oh, John, this is wonderful. I feel so cosy and content with you,” Esther remarked. 

John smiled in her hair. “Good, that was what I was aiming for.”

They said goodnight and closed their eyes, each content to lie with one another like this and fall asleep.

Since that morning when they climaxed together, Esther knew she needed to discuss intercourse with John but had not yet found the courage. Penetrative sex was going to happen soon, and she needed to determine what contraception they should use and confirm they were both clean of STDs.

Edward was the only man she had sex with before, and so she was not used to having this type of conversation. One evening over dinner, she was quiet, thinking of a way to bring up the topic. John noticed her lack of conversation and asked her if everything was ok.

Esther was embarrassed and could not look him in the eye. 

“There’s something I need to discuss with you,” she said haltingly.

John nodded, “Ok then.”

Esther took a deep breath. “John, we have become a lot more intimate these last few weeks and I feel we need to talk about some things.”

“What kind of things?”

Esther was so nervous she could not bring herself to say and stared at the table.

John waited a few moments, then decided to put forth a topic he thought about, too.

“I’d like us to talk about contraception and whether we’re clean,” he offered.

Esther looked up relieved, “Yes, that’s what I wanted to talk about.”

“Ok, I bought some condoms a while back, just in case,” said John sheepishly. “What contraception were you thinking of?”

Esther fiddled with her glass, “Yes, I was thinking that too.” She took a sip – her mouth was dry from nerves.

John looked down at the table, “I also had a test done, around the same time. I’m clean.” He looked up at her then, wanting to see her response.

Esther nodded, “I went last week, I’m clean too.”

John smiled, “Ok, is there anything else you wanted to discuss?”

At times, Esther felt inexperienced compared to John and this exacerbated her nerves when it came to their sexual activities. She wanted to know a little more of his sexual history and share hers so that he would understand better why she struggled sometimes.

She took another sip of her drink and glanced up. “How many women have you slept with?”

John was startled from her blunt question and looked at her briefly before turning away.

“John, I know it’s an intrusive question, but I just,….I just feel inexperienced with you. I’ve only ever been with one man before and although we tried different things, with hindsight, all that we did was to satisfy him.”

Esther paused to compose herself – the memories of Edward and their relationship brought back the past hurt and made her feel vulnerable again.

John sensed her withdrawal and moved round the table to kneel next to her. He took her hand and made eye contact with her.

“Esther, I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences in the past. Know that you can always speak freely with me about what we’re doing together – I want us to be honest.”

He gently rested his hand on her cheek and gave her a small smile.

“Let’s go sit on the sofa and I will answer your question.”

They sat so they could look at each other face to face and John held her hand. Taking a deep breath, he started to speak.

“I’ve slept with eight women. There were three at university, girls I dated a few times then we fumbled around together, neither me nor them were experienced. After that I dated two women, a few months apart – the relationships weren’t serious and only lasted a few months. Then there was a one-night stand after a drunken night out with Crowe.”

John looked down and shook his head with a sheepish smile on his face. Then the smile disappeared to leave a sad expression. It was a few moments before he looked up at her and spoke again.

“Then I met this woman while out with some colleagues from work. Lorraine was a few years older than me and much more experienced in bed. She taught me how to please a woman, to bring her to orgasm but also make her feel wanted and provide emotional support.”

Esther listened to John carefully, realising that this woman was special to him.

“How long were you with her, John?”

He gave her a wistful smile, “Almost a year. I was besotted with her, thought she might be ‘the one’ and was thinking about suggesting we move in together.”

John paused and stroked the back of Esther’s hand as he remembered what happened.

“She was offered a promotion from her employer, but it was in another city. I wanted to move with her, was prepared to find another job in that same city. She appreciated the sentiment, but said it was time we split up – she enjoyed our time together, but the relationship had run its course.”

John had to stop as a lump lodged in his throat. Esther squeezed his hand – she could tell he was still upset over how it ended.

“That was over eighteen months ago. You asked me once if I dated much. Not since me and Lorraine split up. I was upset for months, not ready to offer my heart again and one night stands just held no appeal.”

His face brightened as he looked up into her eyes.

“But then you turned up on my doorstep. Initially, I just wanted to be a good neighbour to you – and then we got better acquainted and our friendship developed. I think our bodies knew before our minds that we should be together. You already have a place in my heart.”

He leant forward and gave her a gentle kiss.

“So, it’s been a while since I was with someone before you, but I’m happy for us to go at our own pace together.”

John squeezed Esther’s hands and gave her a smile - she listened intently to him as he talked, and he knew she understood that Lorraine was special to him. He wondered whether she would share some of her history – he did not like that she was treated unfairly in the past and knew that a lot of her wariness about the physical side of the relationship had come from her other lover. If she shared some of her experience, perhaps he would have a better understanding of her hesitations.

Esther was glad that John spoke of his past with her, and although his experiences were much more than hers, she could tell that he was not the type of man to sleep around. She wanted to share some of her past with him and steeled herself to begin.

“John, thanks for sharing your past with me. I want to share some of mine with you.”

She grasped his hand and forced herself to look in his eyes.

“You know my parents died when I was in my teens and I went to live with my aunt. I spent some time at boarding school soon after and because I was shy and grieving, I found it difficult to make friends. By the time I went to university, I was a little more confident but had no real experience with boys. I struck up a good friendship with the girl I told you about, and we socialised a lot together, but neither of us felt comfortable meeting boys and dating.”

Esther recalled their attempts at going to bars and clubs, watching the other students getting drunk and pairing off together. She could never find the courage to join them.

“It wasn’t until I started my first design job that I was really noticed by men. I went on a few dates, but the men gave up after a few weeks because I wasn’t prepared to go to bed with them. I wanted to get to know them better before I would go to that next step.”

Her heartrate was picking up as she inched closer to speaking about Edward. All that happened with him developed many strong emotions within her and made it tough to talk about.

John gazed lovingly into her eyes and grasped her hands – she could feel the warmth seep through to hers, grounding her to him.

“I met Edward on a works night out – he knew one of my colleagues. He took a fancy to me straight away and used his charms on me. I was flattered by his attention, he was older and handsome – there were a couple of the women at work who said I was lucky to date someone like him. Looking back, I think he saw me as some kind of conquest – he wined and dined me for weeks before I finally let him take me to bed. I didn’t tell him, but I think he knew I was a virgin.”

Esther paused to take a few breaths, telling the story made her stomach churn as she recalled what happened.

“After that, he would turn up at my flat to have sex with me, we rarely went out. I was so taken in by him at the time, I didn’t realise he was using me. I tried so hard to please him – I didn’t have the experience to identify that I wasn’t being pleased much in return. The relationship, if you can call it that, lasted about six months after we first slept together. Then I was out one evening with colleagues and overheard some of the women talking about a man one of them was seeing. It turned out to be Edward.”

Tears were now rolling slowly down Esther’s cheeks as the hurt and humiliation from that time haunted her again.

“I confronted him, and he just laughed at me. He said we never agreed to be exclusive and he didn’t see that as a problem. I told him that it was over, and I didn’t want to see him anymore. “

Esther paused to swallow and swipe away the tears on her cheeks.

“He phoned me a few times after that but I stood my ground and he gave up. Soon after, I started looking for a new job away from there. I could not face staying in that same place knowing he was around.”

John’s concern was etched all over his face and he pulled her into his chest, wrapping his warm arms around her as she nestled her face into his shoulder. She sobbed for a while, letting out all the tension of reliving that miserable period of her life.

“Esther, I’m so sorry you had that experience. I hope that your time with me and our friends here has made many happy memories to replace those bad ones.”

Pulling up her head to look John in the eyes, Esther managed a smile and blinked away a few tears.

“Oh, John. Meeting you has been the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I am so lucky to be with you and have such wonderful friends.”

They sat and hugged one another for a few minutes, both recovering from the emotions of divulging personal histories and comprehending the information received from the other.

John noticed the time and suggested watching the TV for a little while. Esther felt too emotionally spent to concentrate on the TV.

“Is it too early to go to bed? Could we spoon again?”

She looked at John with a hopeful face.

“It’s a little early, but maybe we could talk for a while in bed – we still haven’t decided what we’re doing for your birthday yet!” exclaimed John.

He grabbed his pyjamas and toothbrush and went across with Esther to her flat. They lay snuggled close to one another in bed and discussed various ideas to celebrate Esther’s upcoming birthday before eventually dozing off.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The friends celebrate Esther's birthday and John proposes something new for him and Esther to try in the bedroom.

Esther’s birthday fell on a Monday and she and John both managed to book the day off work. The Saturday before, they travelled with their friends to a nearby seaside town to spend the day at the funfair. Fortunately, the weather was fine, so they just had to wrap up against a cool breeze off the sea. 

John was surprised to find that Esther harboured a daring streak and wanted to ride all the fast, rollercoaster rides. He delighted in her laughs and screams as they spun round and round, thinking he had never seen her so happy and animated. 

The boys tried valiantly to win prizes on the arcade stalls whilst the girls ate candy floss and laughed at them when they missed the targets. John finally managed to win a cuddly pink unicorn for Esther, and she declared it would be kept by her desk at home to keep her company when she was working.

At the end of the afternoon, they traipsed to a restaurant near the beach and ate a hearty meal whilst remembering all the fair rides they went on. The friends voted Esther as the one with the loudest scream and Charlotte the friend who was the most scared on the big roller coaster. John was the best shot for winning the unicorn and Crowe was the only one not to be dizzy on the waltzers.

The friends sang an impromptu ‘happy birthday’ to Esther over dessert and she flushed pink to be the centre of attention. But, seeing her friends’ happy faces looking back at her, swelled her heart with joy and she grasped John’s hand to calm her overwhelming emotions.

After a few beers in a pub they caught the train back home, ready to go early to bed after all the fun and sea air. Esther thanked them all for a wonderful birthday trip – she confessed she hadn’t had that much fun in a very long time.

For her birthday itself, John and Esther spent the day in a city an hour away by train, to visit a museum and an art gallery. 

John stayed over with Esther the night before and they spent the evening furthering their intimacy with ecstatic results. They both felt more confident using their hands to pleasure each other, and Esther was less self-conscious of her nakedness with John, better able to immerse herself in their mutual pleasure.

To see Esther writhing next to him, naked and breathless, was one of the best scenes John ever witnessed and he thanked fate for bringing Esther to the flat next door. She was breath taking and extraordinary – he never met anyone to affect his heart and mind like she did.

They needed to leave early to catch the train, so Esther decided to open her birthday cards and presents when they got home later. Trekking around the city, seeing the sights and taking their fill of history and culture, was the total opposite to the day at the funfair, but Esther enjoyed it just as much, especially because she was sharing the experience with John.

After going on trips together early in their relationship, they found shared interests in art, history and travel. They determined to spend more time on visits such as these in the future as they both enjoyed them. John made a suggestion while they were having lunch.

“Esther, would you like to go away for a few days, just the two of us? I thought maybe nearer Christmas and we could stay at a luxury hotel, go do some Christmas shopping but also spend some quality time together.”

The last comment was made with a suggestive look and smile, so Esther knew exactly what John meant. The thought made her blush, but it was not unwelcome. She was more willing to be with John intimately and she welcomed the opportunity to do that away from reminders of their everyday lives.

John’s beaming smile expressed his excitement at this future opportunity, and he started thinking of potential venues for this romantic weekend away.

After their busy day sightseeing, the couple collapsed on Esther’s sofa with a beer and put their feet up. Esther gathered her cards and presents and took her time opening them. She was overwhelmed at the prospect – it was years since she celebrated her birthday properly and to have these physical items as proof of others wishing her well at this time made her feel loved and special.

Georgiana and Charlotte gave her a bottle of her favourite perfume and a gift card to spend on a future shopping trip. Sidney and Crowe pooled together for a gift voucher to be spent at the ‘posh’ restaurant that she and John enjoyed before. Esther also received a lovely card and note from her uni friend in France.

John saved his gifts until last, feeling excited but nervous at the same time. He bought her a book that she saw at the local museum on a trip together, and a pair of green amber earrings. His final offering was a chance he took and hoped would pay off.

Esther opened the envelope and took her time reading the card inside with an inscrutable look. John began to think he had done wrong until her face lit up with a big smile.

“John – a horseriding experience! How did you know?”

Smiling, John shook his head. “I took a gamble – you always pick the horse when we play Monopoly and I wondered why. Do you like it?”

“Oh, John, it’s years since I’ve last ridden. I went a lot when I was a girl but after my parents died, I never had the chance. I hope I haven’t forgotten what to do.”

“It’s probably like riding a bike, you never forget!” John laughed.

Esther was so pleased with her gifts she threw her arms around John and hugged him as hard as she could. John was thankful his gamble paid off.

John quite often reflected on how far his and Esther’s relationship had developed since they first agreed to start dating. Although the first weeks were a little bumpy, he believed that taking their time to become more intimate really improved the trust between them. He loved stroking his fingers over her soft freckled skin and when she squirmed from his touches it caused a stirring deep within him. Her moans as he kissed round her neck and breasts was music to his ears, but he longed to use his mouth somewhere else. 

After hearing of Esther’s treatment by her ex, he wondered if she experienced oral sex before. All the women that let him do it seemed to enjoy it greatly, saying the orgasm was sometimes more intense than from penetrative sex. He wanted to give that joy to Esther – to taste her and watch her writhe from the sensations of his tongue and lips.

Conversely, he longed for her to use her mouth on him and imagined it many times when alone in his bed. He held back from asking her, knowing he and Esther needed to build the trust between them before embarking on such an intimate act. Had Esther performed it before? And was it a pleasurable experience for her? He heard some crude stories from work colleagues about their experiences and understood why some women were not keen on doing it. 

Only three women performed it on him, and it was such a fantastic feeling, but he knew the urge to push his cock further in their mouths was strong and he needed to pull back hard to resist it. Lorraine explained to him how she trained herself not to gag so she could take more in – it was not an act that could be done perfectly the first time.

He decided to discuss the subject with Esther, one evening after work when they would not be staying overnight together so there were no expectations. It would give Esther time to consider the suggestion if she was new to those activities.

After they finished eating dinner one evening, and cleared away the dishes, John sat with Esther on the sofa and asked if they could talk about something, before they watched the TV. Esther nodded and twisted towards him, so they were sat face to face.

His pulse quickened as he readied himself to say what he prepared.

“Esther, I’ve enjoyed us being able to pleasure each other recently and I’ve noticed you seem more confident and comfortable doing that with me.”

He raised his eyebrows for confirmation and Esther nodded.

“For a while now, I’ve wanted to use more than just my fingers on you. How do you feel about oral sex – where I use my mouth and tongue to make you come?”

John felt a little embarrassed talking about something so intimate but he wanted to make sure that Esther was ok with it – he did not want to spring the suggestion on her when they were already naked in bed.

Esther flushed and her eyes widened before she looked away. Biting her lip, her anxiety from inexperience reared its head again, this was another activity that was new to her.

Forcing herself to look back at John, and bolstered by his openness, she made her confession.

“Ed never did that with me. Have you done it with other women?” she responded quietly.

John nodded, “Yes, with some women. They said it was very pleasurable, that it gave intense orgasms.”

“And you want to do that to me?” Esther seemed surprised. “I’ve not thought a man would want to get his face down there.”

She blushed furiously again.

John took her hand, “I know we’re building our trust with each other, but I feel we’re in a much stronger relationship now than when we started dating. Because of that, I want to make you feel good in other ways – making you come is one of the best feelings I experience with you. I want to bury my head between your thighs, taste you with my tongue.”

John stopped himself – he was getting carried away and just the thought of doing it was making him hard. He sensed Esther mulling over this suggestion and stayed quiet so that she could think it through.

“But what if you don’t like the taste of me?” she asked.

John could see the what ifs building up in Esther and needed to nip them in the bud, tell Esther how great she was and whatever the taste it would not matter to him.

“Esther, I really want to do this for you, give you an enjoyable experience. Whatever your taste, it won’t make a difference to me.”

He made eye contact with her and squeezed her hand. 

“Do you want to take some time to think about it?” he suggested.

He could see the cogs turning again in her mind and waited for her to respond.

There was a squaring of her shoulders and she lifted her chin.

“Ok then, next time we’re together we’ll give it a go.” The sparkle returned to her eyes and he saw her trademark smirk. “If you want to give me an intense orgasm, why should I argue?”

John decided not to broach the subject of Esther using her mouth on him, it could wait. But Esther must have thought about it because two days later, she mentioned it to him.

“John, the other night we discussed you using your mouth on me, but you never asked about me using my mouth on you. Is that something you want?”

Surprised by Esther being forward, John took a moment to decide what to say.

Sheepishly he smiled, “Esther, that’s something I’ve thought about a lot. It’s a great feeling – but only when the woman wants to do it.”

He raised a questioning face towards her, “Have you done it before?”

Esther nodded, but he noticed her shoulders tense a little.

After a few moments, she spoke. “Edward asked me to do it to him. I struggled a bit with my gag reflex – he kept saying I needed to get more of him in my mouth.”

She averted her gaze, the frustration of trying to satisfy Edward coming back to her.

“I don’t think I was very good at it, and I didn’t like the taste when he came in my mouth either.”

John was sad that Esther thought of this activity with distaste, and disappointment, that maybe she would not do it with him, pooled in his stomach. But he knew he would not enjoy it if she forced herself to do it.

“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, Esther,” he said as he lifted her chin. “You’re a master with your hand and that’s plenty of pleasure for me!”

He gave her a grin, trying to cheer her up. She managed a small smile back and he pulled her close on the sofa.

“Let’s watch another episode of that detective show, eh?”

Esther nodded her agreement, but she thought a lot about this issue over the next few days – determined to overcome her qualms and give pleasure to John.

On Friday that week, Esther met with work colleagues in town for a few drinks after work to celebrate the successful completion of a major project. She met up with them a few times since she moved and felt much more comfortable talking with them than when she first started her job. Conscious that Friday was ‘sleepover night’ with John, she stayed for two drinks then headed home on the bus. The alcohol relieved a little of the tension she felt for the impending activities they planned, but she still felt in control.

John went for a drink with his team after work, too, but did not stay long as he was looking forward to his time with Esther and did not want to be intoxicated when they were together later.

He heard Esther arrive back at her flat around an hour after he got home and popped over to see if she wanted to eat some of the pizza he had left over. Esther agreed and came over once she got changed.

They shared stories about their respective evenings out and watched a little TV, but both sensed the undercurrent of anticipation. Esther wondered whether they should just go for it.

“John, I’ve been looking forward to us being together tonight – shall we retire to the bedroom now?”

She stroked his hand with her fingers and tried speaking in a sexy voice, but was sure her nerves showed, too. John looked to her with undisguised lust in his eyes – he was also keen for them to be together but took note of the anxiety in her voice.

“Esther, I thought you would never ask!” he said with a smirk.

He poured them two glasses of water and they moved into his bedroom. Esther put the lamp on low to provide subdued lighting for this new intimacy they were embarking on.

They stood close to one another, eyes locked as the tension built. John pushed Esther’s hair away from her face and she leaned into his hand, keen for his touch. He moved in to place barely-there kisses all over her face before lowering his mouth to her neck. 

Esther’s skin tingled as his mouth moved around and she stroked her hands up and down John’s ribs, needing that additional connection between them. The kisses continued as they took turns to remove the other’s items of clothing. Soon they were both stood in their underwear and John unfastened Esther’s bra to release her breasts. He moved his mouth down to lick and suck at her nipples, noticing the goosebumps transforming Esther’s skin across her torso.

“Shall we lie on the bed then?” he suggested.

Esther just nodded – the tension and anticipation prevented her from saying anything. Her belly fluttered with nerves and excitement, but she knew that she trusted John and wanted to go ahead with what they decided.

John climbed above her, resting on his knees and hands so he could travel his kisses from her collarbone down to her breasts and onwards to her hips. Esther gripped the sheets as she succumbed to the tingles and squirming provoked by John’s actions.

“Esther, are you sure you’re ok with me using my mouth on you?” John asked quietly, his face at her waist.

She looked down at him from the pillow – his eyes were so dark and imploring, she sensed how much he wanted to do this with her. 

“Yes, John, I am,” she breathed, her senses taut awaiting the onslaught of responses.

John kneeled between her legs and hooked his fingers into her knickers before gently rolling them down and off. His eyes could not move away from her pussy – although he used his hands around there a lot, he hadn’t yet been able to look at it properly. The curly hair was auburn, and he parted her legs slightly to glimpse the dusky pink of her folds.

Lowering himself onto his elbows, he left a trail of soft kisses up and down one inner thigh and then the other. He wanted to commit every part of this encounter to memory, drawing it out to heighten the sensations.

Esther’s heart raced being exposed like this, but the sensations from John’s kisses soon had her heart racing from excitement. She resisted the urge to squirm on the bed, but her pussy heated up as John’s kisses travelled towards it. The heat morphed into a pulsing that increased as his lips moved closer and closer to her centre. Esther’s eyes fell shut to better concentrate on the effects to her body.

John took a moment to absorb the assault to his senses – the soft skin against his lips, the sweet musky scent, the glistening sheen on her folds. He moved his arms under her thighs and placed his hands on her hips, ready to steady her when he moved in.

He trailed his tongue along the crease between her thigh and groin, then brushed it against her hair. Esther let out a gasp and moan and then moaned again as his tongue gently circled around and around.

“John!” she gasped, and it sent a rush through his body right to his hardening cock. He teased her folds with the tip of his tongue, before pressing it flat against them, then dragging up through her folds to circle her clit. Esther whimpered as her hips bucked uncontrollably. 

Feeling Esther’s hips fight against his hands and listening to her moans, increased the desire stirring in John and with renewed vigour he continued his mix of licks, presses and teasing touches with his tongue. To bring Esther pleasure like this was one of the best feelings in the world, and he eased off the pressure from his tongue now and again, just to lengthen the exciting encounter.

He managed a quick look up towards her face – he could see her eyes squeezed shut and lips parted just over the top of her heaving chest. This was a fantastic view he hoped to see again and again.

He persisted with his tongue and lips before sensing that Esther was close to her climax. Concentrating on her clit, the sensations quickly tipped Esther over the edge and cries of ‘oh, oh, oh!’ rang out as her hips bucked over and over. John kept his tongue in the same place for as long as he could, until her movements slowed, and Esther moaned ‘stop!’

He regulated his breathing, then eased his arms out from underneath her bum to push himself up off the bed. Esther lay splayed out before him – her red hair spread across the pillow, framing her relaxed face, and her legs akimbo, revealing that most sensitive part of her. Never before had John been so captivated by her as he was now - this image would stay with him forever.

He gently lay beside her on the bed, waiting for her to recover. His cock was still hard but, at the moment, he just wanted to bask in Esther’s post-orgasmic glow.

Esther rolled her head towards him and gazed through her lashes. “Wow, John – that was amazing!” she drawled. “You were right, it was an intense orgasm!”

John was ecstatic – he wanted to bring her to a climax that was out of this world, and he succeeded. He felt like pounding his chest in triumph.

Esther rolled towards him and rested her head and arm on his chest, “I think we’ll do this again, John,” she sighed.

John grinned, “Whenever you want it, Esther.”

They lay quietly for a minute until Esther started stroking John’s chest back and forth. John felt her body stiffen a little then she lifted her head up to look at him.

“John, I want to use my mouth on you – do you want me to?” she asked quietly.

His cock had softened a little as they lay together but perked up with Esther’s suggestion. John took a moment to decide what to say – he did not think Esther would offer this after their discussion a few nights ago.

“Esther, I would like that, very much,” he smiled, “but only if you’re sure you want to do it.”

“I do, I want to make you feel good too,” she responded.

She sat up and moved to lean over John’s thighs so she could reach his cock. 

“I may not suck you very deep,” she said whilst making herself comfortable.

John wanted this to be a positive experience for Esther and made a suggestion, “It feels just as good if you use your hand, as you’ve done before, and lick and suck just the tip.”

Esther nodded, “Ok, I’ll give it a go and you tell me what feels best, eh?”

John propped up his head on the pillow so he could watch Esther as she grasped his cock with her hand and pulled her hair back and out of the way. She gently licked the tip a few times which made his hips buck a little with the sensitivity. He gave her a smile when she looked up at him – he knew she needed the boost to her confidence.

Her lips parted and she moved them down over the head of his cock, pursing them and sucking gently for a few moments. John gripped the sheets with his hands – the sensation aroused him greatly and he resisted the urge to thrust his cock into her mouth. 

Esther stopped and looked towards him, “Was that OK?” she asked quietly.

John smiled, “Yes, that felt great – just keep doing what you’re doing and I’ll come.”

Her eyes dropped as she bit her lip, “Will you tell me when you’re going to come? I’m not sure I want to swallow…”

John did not feel disappointment at her words – he was surprised she wanted to do this for him so would appreciate whatever she did.

“Ok, I’ll let you know,” he nodded.

Her eyes gazed into his, then she took a breath as she pursed her lips to give him another suck. It was a long time since John had a woman do this for him, and very quickly the sensations built up his arousal. Now and again, Esther removed her mouth to take a breath but still moved her hand up and down his cock. John was glad of a short reprieve from the teasing sensations, as his cock was extremely sensitive, and he wanted this experience to last as long as possible.

Eventually though, the combination of her hand and mouth had him on the precipice and he rasped “don’t stop” when she moved, the need to come now imperative. He glanced to her one last time as she sucked him again, wanting to imprint the view to his memory before he succumbed to the sensations.

He managed to mutter “I’m going to…” before his body’s urge to thrust pushed past his restraint. The pleasure washed over him, his mind blanking as he rolled with the waves of ecstasy.

Esther moved her mouth away when the first spurt came but continued with her hand to match his thrusts. She gazed at John’s face – his eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth agape as he grunted through his climax, the adorable little frown lodged between his brows.

This experience was so much better than with Edward – John let her do her own thing, go as deep as she felt comfortable and he didn’t mind that she pulled away at the end. At least she didn’t think so, he was still lying with his eyes shut, his heaving breaths gradually slowing down.

Esther remained lying across his thighs, waiting for John to come back to her. Eventually he opened his eyes to gaze across, a sheepish smile on his face. 

“Esther, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going to come,” he apologised.

She pouted, “I ended up tasting some of you.” John’s face fell at her retort and Esther quickly responded.

“You don’t taste that bad actually – I might try a little more next time,” she smirked at him, hoping he realised that she wasn’t upset.

John’s faced perked up, “You’re willing to do it again, then?”

Esther moved to lie next to him, planting a kiss on his lips.

“Yes, I will. We can add oral sex to our repertoire.” She stroked his cheek with her fingers and kissed him again.

The tension in John released as he realised this evening’s activities were a success and Esther was not put off having oral sex with him. He grabbed a tissue to clean himself up then pulled Esther to lie on his chest, kissing her again.

“You’re amazing, Esther, did you know?”

Esther raised her eyebrow at him. “Some handsome gentleman, with a roving mouth and hands, has told me a few times,” she smirked.

John laughed as he held her tighter. Getting to know Esther took a lot of patience but the rewards were definitely worth it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Esther prepare for their long-awaited Christmas Mini Break At A Luxury Hotel (thanks to MissSally on AO3 for the description!)  
> What will happen on their first evening away together?

For their Christmas getaway, John booked a hotel in the same city where they celebrated Esther’s birthday. There was going to be a Christmas market and lights in the centre, and a special exhibition open at the art gallery. He found a special offer weekend deal at a boutique hotel in the city centre and showed Esther photos on the internet one evening after work.

“The rooms look quite spacious and I’ve booked us one with a bath and a kingsize bed,” he said with a big grin and a twinkle in his eye.

Esther kept a calm expression and deadpanned, “Oh yes? But I thought we were going shopping and sightseeing again? Why do we need a big room if we’re only there to sleep?”

John was nonplussed for a moment until he saw Esther’s smirk.

“We’ll need the bath to soothe away our aches and pains when we’re tired after all that shopping. Plus, a bigger bed means more space to spread out when we do sleep,” he replied.

It was Esther’s face that fell a little this time.

John caught her eye with a sober expression. “I was hoping we could further our intimacy when we go on this weekend. I was going to bring the condoms with me.” He monitored her face, waiting for her reaction.

Esther had long thought that this weekend away was going to be the time for her and John to finally have sex, but to hear the confirmation from John out loud, made it feel more definite and unsettled her a little.

She remained looking at John as she let this confirmation come to rest in her heart and mind. It was a long time since she had sex with Ed, and her and John had become very intimate these last few months - to have sex with him was greatly anticipated even though she was a little nervous.

Grasping onto the all the good memories of her and John together, she lifted her chin and demanded, “You better not forget them, John Babington!”

John’s face relaxed into a grin and Esther leaned forward to kiss him, reminding herself that he was the man she wanted to be with.

Esther organised a shopping trip with Charlotte and Georgiana a week before the Christmas getaway - she wanted to shop for a new dress and some fancy lingerie.

Charlotte and Georgiana were eager to help, pointing out sets with lace and mesh in various colours.

“I don’t want anything too risqué, just something elegant that will suit my colouring,” she requested as they wandered through the lingerie department of a big store.

“What about stockings and suspenders? Or is that too much?” asked Georgiana.

“Don’t do suspenders – they’re far too uncomfortable. But tights are totally not sexy either,” commented Charlotte.

Esther finally settled on bra and knicker sets with lace, one in a pale grey and the other in a deep burgundy. To compromise between being comfortable and keeping her legs warm, Esther bought some pairs of holdup stockings that stayed up without the need for suspenders. Georgiana managed to wangle a few perfume samples from the fragrance counter and Charlotte found her a short satin chemise for nightwear.

The more Esther thought and planned for this weekend away, the more she was looking forward to it. Her and John spent months getting to know each other, both as friends and lovers, and she felt this time together would really cement their relationship with one another. She could not imagine her life without him now.

Whilst the girls were shopping, the boys enjoyed a rare visit to a local casino. This was their early Christmas treat and they sipped at their drinks as they planned which tables to go to. 

“Soon, you two won’t want to come here any more, you’ll be all settled down with your girlfriends, saving money for weddings and deposits for houses,” Crowe lamented.

“I think you’re a bit fast coming to that conclusion, Crowe,” John retorted. “Esther and I are still in the early days of our relationship and Sidney’s only been living with Charlotte a few months.”

“Yeah, we’re still getting used to being together. We argued about the toilet seat only the other day!” huffed Sidney.

“Oh, come off it! You’re both besotted – Sidney, you finally accepted that being with a woman was a good idea and that was all down to Charlotte. And Babbers, Esther got under your skin before you even realised, I’ve seen the way you look at her.”

Sidney and John both flushed, realising that they loved their girlfriends and that long-term plans with them were not necessarily a bad thing.

“Well, maybe we’re just maturing at a faster rate than you are, Crowe,” countered Sidney.

John concurred, “Your time will come, Crowe. One of these days you’ll meet a woman down the pub who can drink you under the table and you’ll be smitten!”

“Not likely!” cried Crowe.

Later, when Crowe was busy at the roulette table, Sidney joined John at the bar to order another drink.

John voiced his thoughts, “Sidney, I think Crowe is right. The thought of settling down with Esther, moving in together, planning a future, is something I want, deep down. I’m not sure whether Esther feels like that, but I do. What about you?”

Sidney smiled at John. “I thought long and hard about Charlotte and I moving in together. At one time, I thought I’d always be alone but with Charlotte, I feel a better man for being around her. I’ve accepted that and am ready for a future with her.”

John realised that they were no longer young care-free men, wanting to drink and meet women on a casual basis – he and Sidney were ready to take that step and plan a future with someone they loved. He hoped that Crowe would soon meet his soulmate, so that he too could feel the joy and thrill of sharing his life with someone who made his life so much better.

Esther and the girls went for dinner after they finished shopping and reviewed all their purchases. 

“I’m really pleased with my dress, I’ll be able to wear it to different types of occasions,” commented Esther.

“I think John will be pleased with your lingerie choice!” teased Georgiana with a saucy smile.

Esther blushed at that remark as it conjured up thoughts of what she and John were going to do on this weekend away.

Charlotte looked thoughtful, “Maybe I should suggest to Sidney about going away again. We went to London for a few days in the spring and it was lovely to do some sightseeing together. I think I would like some romantic time for us…”

“Well, we’re checking out the Christmas market and there is a special exhibition on Monet at the art gallery. I’m quite looking forward to that,” remarked Esther.

“And are you looking forward to going back to the hotel after the shopping and the art gallery?” asked Georgiana with a smirk.

With a flush, Esther averted her gaze as she considered this. She smiled coyly, as she looked back up, “Yes, I am. I think it will be good for us to spend time away from home, we can concentrate just on us for a few days.”

Back at her flat, Esther laid out her purchases and imagined what the weekend would be like. Trying on her new lingerie, she wondered whether she was confident enough to parade in front of John to show it off. Knowing he would appreciate it boosted her esteem – she could already imagine his eyes full of desire for her.

That thought suggested something else to her. For many of the sexual activities between them, John took the lead. She was ok with that, he was patient with her and over time she became much more comfortable with what they did together.

But now she wanted to take the lead with him – turn the tables and see what John’s response would be. As she put away her new clothes, she pondered what she could do in the hotel room that she felt confident enough to follow through with and give John an enjoyable experience. Over the next few days, she would give it some thought, maybe practise on her own in her bedroom so she had a plan of action.

She made herself a cup of tea and realised how very different this relationship was to the one with Edward. Having never been with a man before, she had no idea how she was being used by Edward, and her time with John highlighted even more how despicable Ed had been. At least that was behind her, and John proved to her that there were good, decent men out there. She knew she was incredibly lucky to meet John and being with him made her happy, a state she now realised was long overdue for her.

The feelings of warmth, contentedness and excitement she experienced with John made her wonder whether she was in love with him. Not having much to compare it to meant she was not sure – maybe next time she saw Charlotte and Georgiana they could discuss it.

Her musings were interrupted by a knock at her door. She put the chain on as she wasn’t expecting anyone and pulled her robe tighter around her.

Opening the door carefully, she spotted John through the gap. His face looked a little flushed as he gave her a smile.

“Hi, Esther – can I come in?” he slurred.

Esther sighed – he had a few too many drinks with Crowe and Sidney. “You can come in for a little while, John. I was just about to have a bath.”

“Oooh, that sounds good, may I join you?” He put his arm round her as he stumbled into her flat.

Esther moved away and closed the door. “No, you may not. The bath is just for me tonight.”

John looked crestfallen and Esther took pity on him. “Maybe if the bath is big enough in the hotel next weekend, I’ll let you join me,” she offered.

He perked up then and gave her a peck on the cheek. She could smell the whisky on him.

“John, what are you doing here? I thought you were out with Crowe and Sidney.”

John dragged her to the sofa so they could sit down. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her again.

“We were out, and I won a bit of money at the casino, so we had an extra drink or two. But then I was thinking about you and I wanted to see you, so I came home and here I am.”

His rambling speech and puppy dog eyes created a soft spot in Esther, and she offered him a quick cuddle on the sofa.

“But only a quick one, I’m going to have a bath soon!” she reminded him.

John pulled her back into his chest and wrapped his big arms around her. “I love you, Esther,” he said as he snuggled into her. Esther’s eyes flew open – did he realise what he just said or was he really drunk? She did not know how to respond and kept quiet – John said no more so she just relaxed back into his arms. 

After a few minutes, John made a grunting noise and Esther realised he had fallen asleep. He must have been quite drunk then. She prised herself out of his arms and laid a blanket over him. The likelihood was he would not remember what he said, so she would forget it too. Leaving him to snore on the sofa, she went to run a bath – at least she could do that in peace now.

The next morning, Esther woke alone in bed and sneaked a peak out of her room – she was alone in the flat. After her bath last night, she read her book in bed before falling asleep – she left John still snoring on the sofa. But he must have left during the night – he would probably be asleep in his flat now and no doubt wake with a hangover.

She decided not to mention what he said last night – he would probably not remember. But she did wonder whether he felt that strongly about her – it warmed her heart to think he may feel that, but did she have such strong feelings for him in return?

Her aunt always said it was better to be loved than to love – but was it fair to him? John was such a generous, caring man – he deserved someone who cared for him the same. But she did care for him a lot – she wanted to spend time with him, cheer him up when he was tired from work, give him pleasure in bed. If he was happy with what she could give him, then that must be enough.

Esther went out for a short run on her own that morning, returning to her flat just as the rain started again. She settled down to watch a movie when there was John’s trademark knock at the door.

Wondering how bad his hangover was, she opened the door and gave him a loud ‘hello!’ 

John winced and gave her a sheepish smile. “Hi, Esther.”

He came inside and Esther could see him holding something behind his back.

“How are you, John? How was your day out with Crowe and Sidney?”

John laughed. “I think you know how it went, Esther.” He pulled his arms round to his front – he held a box of chocolates and a small bunch of flowers in his hands.

“I’m sorry about turning up drunk last night on your doorstep. I won some money at the casino and me and the boys had a few too many drinks. Thanks for letting me sleep on your sofa.”

Esther smirked at him – he did look a little bit worse for wear, but he must have felt bad because he went out to the shop in the rain with a hangover to get her chocolates and flowers. She took them from him and went to put the flowers in a vase.

“I was just about to watch a film – would you like to join me?” she offered.

John gave her a relieved smile, “Yes, I would. Have you got any paracetamol? My head is killing me!”

Come Friday evening, John and Esther were eager for their minibreak. They worked extra hours during the week so they could finish a little earlier to go and catch the train. The journey was spent discussing what they were going to do and when, John making sure to include plenty of time to take advantage of the hotel room.

Esther’s belly fluttered with nervous anticipation – she was excited to spend time with John but also apprehensive about what she planned for him. Knowing she needed to put her plan into action sooner rather than later to settle her nerves, she determined to do it after they went to dinner this evening.

The hotel was right in the city centre, near to bars and restaurants and about a ten-minute walk to the station and the Christmas market. The art gallery was down by the waterfront, but it was a pleasant walk to get there, through a park.

Esther was positively surprised by the room and told John so.

“Good choice with the hotel, John. The room’s lovely and close to all the action in the city.”

He raised his eyebrow, “I thought all the action was going to be in this room, Esther!”

She flushed from his innuendo, but gave him a kiss anyway, “Not _all_ the action, John!”

They unpacked their clothes, then Esther retreated to the bathroom to get changed into her new dress for their dinner date. She put on one of her new sets of lingerie – John would get to see it later and she hoped for admiring glances from him.

Food was first, and they chose an upmarket bistro that had a bar inside, too. After a delicious meal, they tried out a couple of bars near to the hotel. Esther had a few drinks to calm her nerves and to boost her courage, whilst John held back, not wanting a replay of last weekend at the casino.

When Esther was pleasantly buzzing, she gazed up at John and stroked his stubble, whilst suggesting to him it would be worth his while to return to the hotel room with her. Intrigued by Esther’s offer, John was quick to grab her hand and hurry them back to the hotel, eager to be with Esther in more private surroundings.

After entering their room, Esther nipped to the bathroom to collect herself and plan what she was going to do. She thought about it a lot this week and even rehearsed in her bedroom – wanting to be prepared for this encounter.

When she came out, John was looking out of the window at the Christmas lights.

“I suggest you close the curtains, what I’m about to do is for your eyes only, John,” Esther remarked.

He turned, eyes wide, “Oh yes, and what are you going to do?”

Esther shook her head, “It’s a surprise! Now come on and sit on the sofa.”

John closed the curtains and sat on the sofa in the corner of the room. Esther was fiddling with her phone and John was impatient to know what was going on. A song started playing that he vaguely recognised, as Esther stood near the bed with her back to him.

Esther’s heart was pounding, and she felt incredibly nervous, but she was determined to do this for John. She swayed to the music to get the beat before she started on the dance moves she rehearsed at home.

Her idea was to perform an erotic dance for John and slowly strip down to her lingerie. YouTube had clips of erotic dancers and Esther practised some of the moves and put together a short routine. She had no idea what John would think and took her time to settle into her routine before she turned around to see his reaction.

John was surprised to see Esther start dancing and wondered what was going on. She told him to sit on the sofa, so he stayed there, his eyes captivated by her sensuous moves. Even though she was fully clothed, her dancing was quite suggestive, and he thought he had never seen her so bold and sexy. When she turned to face him, he saw the determination but also the nervousness in her face. Giving her a smile first, he then let his gaze wander over her body as she continued her dance, moving closer towards him. 

Very quickly he was heating up with desire and adjusted his seating position to allow room for his hardening cock.

Esther’s courage got a boost from John’s smile and she felt her whole body flush as she saw his lustful eyes rake up and down her body. Thank goodness her dance was having the desired effect, otherwise she would have died from embarrassment. 

Feeling bolstered by John’s reaction she set in motion part two – to remove her clothing. She sauntered over to him and placed one foot between his legs.

“Unzip my boot,” she ordered.

John’s jaw dropped as he stared at her, then after a second moved his hands to do as he was told. He pulled the boot off and then Esther swapped legs so he could do the other.

“Now this one.”

Esther was not sure how John would take her being bold with him like this, but his flushed face and open mouth made her think he was ok with her commands.

“Let me feel your hands,” she asked and held out her own to take his. He leaned forward as he gave them to her, and she was ready to just wrap them around her. But she had her plan and just nodded to him, “Yes, they’re warm enough.”

She pushed him back and turned around bending through her knees. “Unzip my dress” was the next command.

John’s sharp intake of breath sent a thrill through her, proof that John was enjoying her show. She felt the zip move lower and lower as John’s fingers brushed against her back. He cupped her bum when he got to the end of the zip, but Esther moved away, “Not yet, John” she smirked over her shoulder. Buzzing on the alcohol and the lust from John, Esther danced a little more before standing in front of him and letting her dress slowly slide down to her feet.

Knowing it was not particularly graceful, she picked up her dress to drape over the end of the sofa – it was a new purchase after all. She returned to John and pushed his legs together. Staring into his eyes she noted they were dark with lust. His jaw was still on the floor – had she surprised him that much, she wondered?

Kneeling over his lap, she placed her hands on his chest. John went in to kiss her, but she gently pushed him back, “Not yet, we need to undress you first.”

John found his voice, “Can I at least touch you?”

Esther took pity on him and placed his hands on her lower legs. “How’s that?” she smirked.

He nodded and Esther started undoing the buttons on his shirt, taking her time and stroking each section of chest as it was revealed. When it was undone, she pushed it aside and moved in to give featherlight kisses to his bare skin.

This activity was one that aroused them both and they took time to enjoy it. Esther pushed his shirt down and off before pressing her chest against his and moving in for a kiss. Her hands caressed his muscular arms before stroking his shoulders and ending up in his hair.

John could resist no longer, and his hands travelled up her legs to cup around her bum. This evening took a very unexpected turn, but he was enjoying it immensely. To finally see Esther take the lead in their sexual activities was a huge turn-on and he hoped there would be more evenings like this in the future. Unable to resist her sexy body, he pulled her towards him wanting to feel her heat against his groin. He pressed his lips to hers, needing that connection and they lost themselves to the kiss for a few minutes before Esther pulled away.

“You’re still not undressed, John,” she laughed and shuffled back on his lap so she could reach to undo his belt and the zip on his trousers.

She clambered off the sofa and pulled him up, before pushing his trousers down to his ankles. John moved in for another kiss and they indulged each other as their hands roamed over naked skin. 

Esther could feel his hardness against her belly and was reminded of her plan for this evening.

“Where are the condoms, John?” she asked quietly, feeling excited and nervous at the same time.

John went to get them whilst Esther grabbed a towel to put on the sofa to protect it from their lovemaking.

Before John could sit down again, Esther grabbed his boxers and whipped them down, her eyes staring at his erect cock.

“Happy with what you see, Esther?” whispered John as his fingers stroked her cheek. She looked up at him and grinned, “Oh yes, very happy.”

Esther was almost ready to sit in his lap but realised she had more clothes to remove.

Placing her leg between his again, she had another command, “Take off my stockings.”

John grinned at her, a sparkle in his eyes. Very slowly, he rolled the stocking down her leg, brushing her skin with soft kisses as he went. He did the same with the other leg until Esther was panting with excitement.

With her stockings gone, there was just her fancy lingerie left. She moved his hands round her back so he could undo the clasp on her bra, and he kissed and sucked her nipples for a minute when they were revealed. Then he slowly inched his way down her ribs and hips before hooking his fingers into her knickers. Gazing up at her, John smiled, the lust and adoration plain in his eyes.

“You’re magnificent, Esther,” he whispered before gently pulling her knickers down to reveal all of her to him. He landed a few kisses round her belly and hips before moving lower towards her centre. The heat there increased to inferno levels and Esther wobbled on her legs as he persisted with his mouth. 

She pushed him back and gazed deep into his eyes, “I’m ready, John.”

He nodded and grabbed a condom to put on. Esther knelt in his lap again, letting John wrap his big arms around her. Esther maneuvered herself into a better position then took hold of John’s cock stroking the tip back and forth over her folds. She could feel how wet she was, and her core throbbed in anticipation of what was to come. 

All the time she and John spent together, building the trust between them, and getting familiar with each other’s bodies, it all came to this, the most intimate of connections. She gazed into his face, seeing his eyes dark with desire.

Slowly she prepared to sink onto him, trying to relax her muscles to ease him in. John traced his fingers up and down her back as he brushed his lips back and forth across her sensitive collarbone.

When he was deep inside her, she pressed her face into his neck, feeling overwhelmed at this longed-for act.

He pulled her against his chest and held her tight, “Oh Esther,” he moaned. To be close to her like this was a dream come true and he resisted the urge to move so they could both appreciate their connection. A minute later, he gave in and gently thrust up. Her body responded, moving against him so that his thrusts went a little deeper, up and down until they found a rhythm.

John turned his head to meet hers in a kiss that grew passionate as they continued their push and pull. Hands stroked skin and grasped the other to be impossibly closer. Esther circled her groin to feel more pressure against her clit until John realised and eased his hand between them to press his thumb over the nub.

To have Esther like this in his lap overwhelmed John’s senses. Her smell, her touch, the whimpers and moans from her lips, made him dizzy with a desire that went straight to his groin. He tried to hold back to make sure Esther was with him as his excitement grew. His lips moved back to her neck, to take advantage of her sensitivity there, in the hopes of taking her higher and higher until she fell off the precipice and took him with her.

A barrage of sensations hit Esther as they moved together on the sofa. She gave up making sense of them and let the general feeling of great pleasure and arousal engulf her as she clung on to John. Climbing higher and higher on these sensations, she thrust and thrust again until a groan from John and a press from his thumb tipped her over.

Her mind blanked as wave after wave of ecstasy crashed into her and she held onto John for dear life.

John sensed Esther climb as she dug her nails into his back and panted down his ear. He hoped to hang on until she came and concentrated on his thrusts and his thumb. His prayers were answered as he felt her clenching around his cock, and he succumbed to the white noise as his crisis crashed into him.

When he eventually returned to earth again, he wrapped his arms around Esther to pull her close. Pressing his face into her shoulder, he tried to memorise everything that happened this evening – for so long he yearned for this connection with Esther and it surpassed his dreams. He wanted to bask in this high forever.

Esther slowly came to, noticing how she and John were wrapped around each other as though they were one. She wondered how it would be, having sex with John, and nothing she imagined came close to the emotions she felt with him this evening.

The vulnerability and openness, the excitement and arousal, all coming together as a potent mix to elevate her to the most amazing experience. She drew her head back to risk a look at John and gauge his reaction to their coupling.

His dazed eyes stared back at her, then he pressed his lips to hers and they shared a languid kiss to maintain this intimate connection. 

Eventually, Esther’s legs protested, and she gently pressed against John’s chest. 

“I think I need to move before my legs go dead,” she laughed.

She lifted herself up and John steadied her as she stood up from the sofa. He kept hold of her hands and gazed up at her.

“You’re extraordinary, Esther,” he stated softly.

Although John said this to Esther a few times already in their relationship, it still overwhelmed her and all she could do was gaze back at him.

After a moment, John stood up, “Shall we move to the bed? I’ll just go get rid of this.” He pointed at the condom.

Esther nodded and removed the pins from her hair before she climbed under the sheet. John returned from the bathroom with two glasses of water and joined her in bed. She snuggled up to him and laid her head on his chest.

“Esther, I enjoyed your dance and striptease this evening,” remarked John as he stroked her arm.

“Mmmm… I rehearsed all week you know,” retorted Esther.

“Yes, I could tell you’d put a lot of thought into it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, John. Maybe you’ll return the favour one day,” she teased.

“Ha, ha! Yes, maybe I will.”

Esther never ceased to surprise him, and tonight was no exception. He wrapped his arms around her a little tighter and hoped he could spend the rest of his days in her company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm coming to the end of this story and think one more chapter will wrap it up. It's not written yet so my final update may take a little longer to appear.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Esther are on their Christmas Mini-Break at a Luxury Hotel. How will this weekend together affect their relationship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter in my first ever sensual smut fic. I really enjoyed writing it.   
> Thank you for reading, commenting and giving kudos - it is much appreciated :)

John and Esther were up early the next day and headed for a hearty breakfast at a café up the road from the hotel. Ever since they woke this morning, there were lingering looks and soft smiles between them, as they recalled the events of the previous evening.

Esther was relieved that she went through with her little performance for John – she wanted to do something special for him and knowing that he appreciated the thought and effort she put into it made it so worthwhile. And of course, they finally had sex - although Esther preferred to consider it lovemaking, because for them to finally come together like that was more than just sex. It also disproved her concerns she would never feel comfortable being with another man.

The emotions evoked in her from their coupling overwhelmed her a little – she knew her relationship with John was the most important to her.

For John, being with Esther was long-awaited and her dance prelude increased the pleasure and anticipation. He considered how far their physical closeness improved over these last months – although at times he was impatient and struggled to restrain himself, to finally come together was so much sweeter after the wait. 

To watch Esther dance and perform a striptease in front of him, proved her confidence and trust in him had grown substantially since they first met, and his chest swelled with adoration and love for her. For weeks now, he thought of her as the person with whom he could spend the rest of his life. No word would be said to Esther, though, it was premature to be considering that when they had known each other less than a year.

John reined himself in and decided to enjoy the present with Esther – there was a Christmas market to visit.

After two hours wandering around, and a few purchases made for their friends, John and Esther purchased hot chocolates and sat down for a break.

John wanted to broach a subject that was on his mind.

“Esther, I was wondering what plans you had for Christmas?”

Esther stared at him wide-eyed – she tried not to think of Christmas day itself as the last few years did not hold good memories for her.

“Um, I’ve not really thought that far ahead,” she mumbled.

Her downcast face tore at John’s heart and he hoped his suggestion may bring some sparkle back to her eyes.

“I want to invite you to come with me to visit my parents this Christmas, if you have no other plans, of course. My sister is coming down to visit, too. You could stay for a few days.”

Esther kept quiet and stared hard at her hot chocolate – he wondered whether he asked for too much.

“Or come for just a day, it’s up to you,” he added.

Esther looked up at him, uncertainty etched across her face. “Have you told your parents about me? Is it ok with them if I visit?” she asked.

John smiled, “I have mentioned I’ve been dating a beautiful redhead who makes me laugh.”

He took her hand between his, “I told them I was thinking of asking you to come with me when I visit – they are happy about it.”

Esther stared back at her hot chocolate, but John knew she was busy thinking about it. He gently stroked her hand with his thumb. Knowing Esther’s family situation – or lack of – and that their friends would most likely be travelling to see their own families over Christmas, made John consider how best to include Esther in his plans.

He would even cut short his family time to be with Esther if she did not want to see them – his family would understand. 

A squeeze of his hand caused him to look up into Esther’s anxious eyes.

“I haven’t any plans for Christmas this year.”

She sat up a little straighter and looked John in the eye.

“Yes, I will visit with you. But you’ll have to warn them I’m not used to family Christmases,” she half-smiled, but John saw the vulnerability she was trying to hide.

“Good. My dad cooks a great turkey dinner, and my mum is making her own Christmas pudding this year. It’s her first time making it, so I’m not sure how it’ll turn out!” he laughed.

Esther managed a smile and John kissed the palm of her hand to show her how much he appreciated her decision to visit.

Her face turned thoughtful, “We better go shopping again – you’ll have to help me choose some presents I can take for your family.”

John kept tight hold of Esther’s hand as they wandered back to the stalls selling gifts they thought suitable for John’s family. Esther came up with some good ideas and John supported her, knowing his family were easy-going and would welcome anything in the spirit it was intended.

By late afternoon, they decided to split up to purchase gifts for each other and meet back at the hotel. John took note of items that Esther mentioned she liked earlier and also spotted one or two little gifts of his own. He tried to control himself and not get so many items that Esther would feel overwhelmed, but he just wanted to make her happy.

Back at the hotel, he was glad he arrived first so that he could hide his purchases in his case so Esther would not see. He watched some TV while he waited for her to return.

Esther recalled the items she had seen as they wandered around earlier and returned to purchase them for John. She then spent some time gazing at the Christmas lights in the city centre – this was the first Christmas in two years that she was not dreading. Her aunt usually visited friends in Europe for Christmas, so Esther spent it alone the last two years. Esther did not want to spend much time with her aunt anyway. 

Last year, she spent three days lazing in her pyjamas eating junk food and watching sappy seasonal films on the TV. The thought of spending time with John’s family this year did unnerve her, but the fact that John invited her warmed her heart, and she was determined to get over her shyness and enjoy herself.

She hoped John was right in supporting her choices for family presents – but he knew them better than she. Maybe this would be the first of many visits, as her and John’s relationship developed further. 

That thought reminded her of John’s drunken suggestion last weekend. Heading back to the hotel, she hoped to surprise John with her forwardness again.

In the hotel room, Esther hid herself in the bathroom to pack away John’s gifts in her case. She bought so many items she had an extra bag to carry with her tomorrow, but it wasn’t too heavy.

When she was done, she sauntered over to John and sat in his lap. John’s hands automatically moved to her waist and he leaned in to give her a kiss. Esther pulled him in to deepen the kiss and she lost herself to his taste and touch.

After a few minutes, they pulled apart and Esther caught her breath.

“I was thinking of having a bath to soothe away the aches and pains caused by our busy day shopping – do you want to join me?” She quirked an eyebrow at him.

John’s mouth dropped open and his eyes darkened. “Yes, that’s a good idea. I can help you clean those difficult to reach parts,” he smirked at her, but his face revealed his desire.

“I’ll go start running it then – do you want bubbles?” asked Esther.

John nodded and watched her hips wiggle as she walked away.

The bath was big with bubble jets down the side. Esther tested the jets – it was not as forceful as a jacuzzi, but she thought the gentle bubbles may be relaxing when they were lying in there.

She called in John when the bath was ready and placed the towels nearby. They started to undress – even though they had done this many times before, Esther still felt a little self-conscious. When they were down to their underwear, John came over to her and held her in his arms, giving her a chaste kiss.

“I vaguely recall talk of a bath when I was drunk last weekend. Was I a bit forward?” John asked.

Esther smirked, “Yes, you were. I refused your offer then, but you seemed so disappointed that I’ve finally relented.”

John laughed and removed their last pieces of clothing.

“Shall I get in first and you can sit between my legs?” John suggested.

Esther nodded and they climbed in. The bubble jets washed gentle ripples of the water over their bodies. Esther lay back against John’s chest and closed her eyes.

“I could get used to this, you know,” she commented.

John whispered, “Yeah, me too,” and started to gently lap the water over her breasts. Her nipples puckered to little buds and John watched fascinated as the water rivulets ran over her skin.

Esther rested her arms on John’s legs, letting her fingers stroke them under the water.

“I think we did well shopping today. There’s very little I still need to buy,” remarked Esther as she relaxed against John’s warm body in the bubbly water.

His fingers stroked her chest from her collarbone down to her waist – gentle pressure that, together with the water moving, caused tingles over her skin. Without realising, Esther murmured and whimpered at the sensations, and John felt the stirring in his loins.

Knowing he was arousing Esther, too, his hands ventured lower towards her hips and pelvis. It was a bit of a stretch to reach her pussy, which was the target of his wandering hands.

“Esther, can we adjust our positions a little?” he asked.

Esther was so chilled out, it took her a moment to respond, but John managed to pull her up his body a little and lay down lower in the bath, so she was resting on top of him. Now his hands could reach the place they needed to be.

“What’s your plan, John?” asked Esther languidly.

“To make you happy, as always, Esther,” smiled John.

She relaxed back onto him, “Very well.”

John concentrated his efforts and continued the stroking and petting along her hip bones and the creases at the top her thighs. Esther’s gentle squirming confirmed his actions were having the desired effect and he monitored her arousal as he moved his fingers closer to her centre.

Esther sensed her body pulsing and gripped John’s thighs as she writhed in the water. He always knew how to heighten her excitement and she let herself succumb to the sensations. John persisted with his teasing and Esther thrust herself into his hands, wanting him to touch her clit.

“Please, John,” she pleaded.

John relented and massaged her clit and folds before diving in with his fingers. Esther’s moans grew louder and her writhing more pronounced. John moved one arm to hold her round her waist so that she didn’t slide around too much in the water. 

Esther panted and moaned, her arousal elevating to its peak. Her focus narrowed to the feel of John’s thumb on her clit and the fullness from his fingers in her pussy. A gasp from John pushed her over, and she writhed and bucked in the water, only John’s arm keeping her from slipping into the side of the bath. 

Her orgasm seemed to go on for ages until she finally pushed his hand away, the sensations too much. She lay there panting, slowly bringing herself back to the present.

John wrapped his arms around her - bringing her to orgasm was one of the best feelings ever. Having her writhe in his arms as she rose to her climax filled his chest with warmth and satisfaction. It also hardened his cock, but he tried to ignore that for now. He watched her breasts rise and fall with her panting breaths and waited for her to recover.

“John,” Esther rasped, “that was amazing!”

“Only the best for you, my lady,” he said. “The water’s cooled a bit, shall we get out and move to the bed?”

John’s attention was brought back to his cock that was hard underneath Esther. He thought the bed offered more scope for him and Esther to pleasure him to his climax.

Wrapping themselves in towels, they took turns to pat each other dry, concentrating on sensitive and hard to reach places. They snuggled next to each other on the bed before John dived in with a kiss. Lips nuzzled freshly washed skin and hands roamed to stroke each other all over.

Esther felt John’s hardness against her belly and reached down to fondle it before grasping it firmly and building a rhythm. John held her tightly against him and panted into her neck as she continued.

“Esther,” he breathed, “I’d like us to have sex again.”

Feeling aroused again from this foreplay, Esther whispered ‘yes’ and John reached over to the drawer by the bed to grab a condom. He looked down between them and placed his hand over Esther’s to rub his cock some more before ripping open the packet and rolling on the condom.

He gently stroked his fingers up Esther’s thigh before rubbing them over her folds.

“I think you’re wet enough for me, are you ready?” he asked breathily.

Esther’s dark eyes gazed back at him as she smiled ‘yes’ and lay back, her legs open to welcome him. As John rested on top of her, the tip of his cock found her warm centre and he wiggled it around to enjoy the sensations.

Her hands pulled his head down so their lips could meet again in a passionate kiss. John pushed his groin until his cock was surrounded by Esther’s warmth and he started a slow rhythm. 

With John on top of her, Esther was reminded of that morning weeks ago when they first climaxed together. His weight on her made her feel secure and his lips caused tingles on her skin where he brushed them against her. Wrapping her legs around his bum, she gasped at the change in angle – he felt so deep inside her it was as though she and John were one.

John’s weight made a delightful pressure on her clit and the rhythm of him thrusting heightened her arousal. Soon, they were close to their peak and John grunted into Esther’s neck as she dug her nails into his back. This quick bite of pain pushed John over and his thrusts caused waves of bliss to consume Esther.

As he floated down from his high, John pushed his weight onto his arms so as not to squash Esther, then nuzzled his face into Esther’s neck. Although Esther was not very experienced sexually, their times together were some of the best he had known. She stirred in him a raging desire for her, just from her pants and moans when he touched her. And he loved to touch her – from her freckled collarbone to her pale breasts and down to her sensitive core. He did not think he would ever tire of being with her like this – the two of them naked, in each other’s arms.

For Esther, the sensations from being surrounded by John as he lay on top of her heightened her arousal and to climax with him filled her with a heat and a feeling of contentedness – that she was in the right place with the right person. She never felt that before – only ever with John, so she knew that right now, this relationship was good for her.

As John rolled to her side, Esther kept her arms around his shoulders, not wanting to be parted from him. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against him.

Esther felt a bit sweaty and remarked to John, “We probably need another bath.”

John laughed and then his stomach rumbled, “I think I need feeding first!”

They discussed what to eat and where, and John persuaded Esther to have a quick shower with him.

“Will it be quick though? With your wandering hands,” laughed Esther.

Later, they found a little Italian restaurant off a side street not far from the hotel. After a bottle of wine, pizzas, olives and garlic bread, they were ready to go for a drink in the bar next door before heading back to the hotel.

Both felt tired from their long day shopping and they watched some tv before snuggling together in bed again, the warmth from each other sending them quickly to sleep.

Sunday started with some lazy kissing and cuddling before they dressed and packed away all their gear. Many lingering looks and happy smiles were swapped over their full English breakfasts that morning. Both Esther and John felt a shift in their relationship this weekend – it had cemented them further together, just as Esther thought it would.

As they sat holding hands across the table, finishing their mugs of tea, John could not hold back his feelings any longer. For weeks he knew that Esther was very special to him and wanted her to know.

“Esther, I want to say something,” he started, squeezing her hand a little tighter. “I love you.”

He kept his gaze on Esther as her lips parted and her eyes widened.

“I think you’re an extraordinary woman and I enjoy every second in your presence. You don’t need to say anything,” he added, noting a little frown appear on Esther’s brow, as though she was wondering what to say in return.

“It is enough that you like me and trust me, and I know you do from our time together this weekend.”

He pulled up her hand to kiss her palm before giving her a soft smile.

Esther saw the adoration in his eyes and let the warmth from his confession fill her belly and chest, swelling her heart. She was still surprised by his speech, even though he drunkenly spilt part of it last weekend. 

She was at a loss what to say. Her feelings were a mess of emotions and sensations bundled together with past experiences. She needed to prise them apart and reflect on them so that she could tell him her true feelings.

For now, all she knew was how she felt about this weekend.

“I’ve had a great time with you this weekend, John. I feel much closer to you, that there’s a strong bond linking us,” she declared, trying to impart how heartfelt were her words.

She smiled across at him, her eyes gazing deep into his, trying to let him know how she felt even though she had not yet found the words. His eyes gazed back at hers.

“Yes, I feel it too,” he said.

After breakfast, they walked down to the art gallery on the waterfront to visit the Monet exhibition and see favourite works they remembered from their visit for Esther’s birthday. Wandering around, hand in hand, time flew past quickly as they commented, reviewed and admired the various pictures. Esther realised she could not recall ever feeling this comfortable around someone in her adult life, able to say what she thought with no worry about a negative response in return. John truly was someone very special.

At the train station, they purchased drinks and sandwiches while they waited for their train. Esther wanted to share her feelings now, whilst they were still in their special Christmas weekend bubble.

“John, I know you don’t need me to say anything, but I want to. I’ve been trying to find the words…” she started, trying to maintain eye contact with John, even though her heart was pounding.

“For the first time in my life, I feel that, when I’m with you, I can just be me – say what I want, feel what I feel – without the need to worry about how that will affect how you feel about me.”

John listened intently as she spoke, his eyes piercing hers, as though he saw the real Esther underneath.

“I know that I enjoy being with you, I miss you when you’re not there, I like talking with you about everything and nothing.” She smiled shyly at him, “I want to pleasure you in bed and want you to pleasure me.”

Taking a breath, she took his hand, “I don’t know if all of that is love, but for me it is. So, …. I love you, too.” She kissed his palm, just as he did at breakfast, and held it against her cheek.

John’s eyes seemed to deepen and draw her into him. “Well, that makes two of us, then,” he smiled at her.

On the train journey home, they sat as close as the seats would allow, their hands entwined, knowing that they were bonded together on their path going forward.


End file.
